DJ BJ's Can't Miss Pick Up Lines 12

I caught it. You cook it!

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR

Once again, veteran single man, DJ BJ shares some favorite pick up lines. Our apologies. These submissions do not represent the views of ADNW, nor are they guaranteed to actually work (nor keep you out of harms way). And, no ducks were harmed in the creation of this blog.

Here's your friggin Christmas present. Ten more pick up lines for you losers. And by the way, here's a note back to you editor people. That 100 pick up line label is starting to look stupid.

111) You’re hot enough to wear horizontal stripes. I got a sharpie. Strip down and let me show you.

112) So, what do I have to do to get you to send your ugly friend away?

113) If you’ll go out with me, I’d floss my teeth and trim my nose hair for you.

114) You’re in pretty good shape. Are you one of those chicks that run around in a sports bra? If so, when and where?

115) Your body is so smoking hot, I can’t even look you in the face.

116) Did I hear you say you popped out a kid? That’s impressive, cause you’re not fat or anything?

117) If you want to get with me tonight, my drunk friend says he’ll entertain your ugly friend.

118) How long is it going to take you to get drunk, cause I’ll just hang out with my friends until then?

119) You got some lint on your shirt. Hand it over, and I’ll clear that up for you.

120) You smell good. Are you available in scratch and sniff?

DJ BJ's Can't Miss Pick Up Lines 11

And if you play your cards right, later on I'm gonna fly you back to the trailer.

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR

Once again, veteran single man, DJ BJ shares some favorite pick up lines. Our apologies. These submissions do not represent the views of ADNW, nor are they guaranteed to actually work (nor keep you out of harms way).

All right then. My book deal fell through, so I’m stuck with you losers for now. Drink it up while it lasts, ladies.

101) What can I do to put you in a one night stand, today?

102) You’re quite the tasty little dish. I bet you’d stick to the “bone.”

103) You’re not just a piece of meat to me. You’re a grade ‘A’ choice piece of meat.

104) If we dated, you’re hot enough that I wouldn’t have to hide you from my friends and family.

105) If we were dating, I wouldn’t have to stare at you so much. You know, cause I’d have a lot of pictures, video and stuff.

106) The ladies know me as a stand up guy. Matter of fact, I’ve got something standing up for you right now.

107) I’d like to get on your good side. And you know what I mean by getting on it, right?

108) I noticed you’re not wearing a bra. So, I just tipped the bartender to turn down the A.C. Don’t you go putting on a sweater, okay?

109) I’m going to name you “Furniture Polish,” because I’d like you to clean and condition my wood.

110) You may not think I’m much of a catch. But, you have to admit you’re swimming in a pretty shallow pool here.

DJ BJ's Can't Miss Pick Up Lines 10

"Mama says I have to wait til 17 to get on the stripper pole."

A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR
Once again, veteran single man, DJ BJ shares some favorite pick up lines. Our apologies. These submissions do not represent the views of ADNW, nor are they guaranteed to actually work (nor keep you out of harms way).

Here's the tenth set folks. This makes an even hundred and I expect a book deal to be in the works. Better use them while they're fresh.

91) Are you scared of things that go bump in the night? Brace yourself, because I’m about to start bumping.
92) Did you have an imaginary friend as a child? Well, I’ve got a real friend for you down my pants.
93) I’m not dumb, but the ladies call me Dumbo. It’s because I’ve got junk like an elephant trunk, if you know what I mean.
94) I know a chick that isn’t sure if Godzilla is a dinosaur or big lizard. Why don’t you check in my pants to find out?
95) I overheard your boyfriend describe what it feels like to have testicles slapping his face. Perhaps it’s time for an upgrade?
96) Sure you’re out of my league. But, how about you have a little tune up in the minors tonight?
97) The way I stare at you might be creepy. Take it as a compliment. If you were ugly, I wouldn’t look at all.
98) I’m not from around here. How about you give me a tour of your body?
99) Are you a fan of those Potato Head guys with the interchangeable parts? Let’s see what my lips look like on your body.
100) Hey, you’d make a great stripper!

DJ BJ's Can't Miss Pick Up Lines 9

Ladies and Gentlemen, put your hands together for Lacey on the world's largest stripper pole. On deck - Essence.

A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR
Once again, veteran single man, DJ BJ shares some favorite pick up lines. Our apologies. These submissions do not represent the views of ADNW, nor are they guaranteed to actually work (nor keep you out of harms way).

Here's the ninth set. Soak it in.

81) Hey, how about you undo a button and give me a jump-start on mentally undressing you?
82) I suspect you’re being a bitch because it’s that time of the month. And for the record, I’m cool with that.
83) Hey, I heard you ask your friend, “What’s up?” With how good you look, I got a great answer for you.
84) (Requires some degree of discretion). Your boyfriend seems to be a real go-getter. He puts the “do” in douchebag.
85) Your boyfriend is like one of those natural juice drinks. He’s full of fruit.
86) Why don’t you give me your email address, because I’d like to put something in your in-box.
87) You heard the phrase, “The smeller’s the feller?” Well, I’m going to prove I’m your guy by giving you a good sniff.
88) Your boyfriend is ugly - time for you to start considering me as a sperm donor.
89) I dig chicks that can handle a musical instrument. How about you play my skin flute.
90) I believe a hot chick like you deserves the red carpet treatment. So, I dyed my pubes red.

DJ BJ's Can't Miss Pick Up Lines 8

Ladies, you can start lining up here!

A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR
Once again, veteran single man, DJ BJ shares some favorite pick up lines. Our apologies. These submissions do not represent the views of ADNW, nor are they guaranteed to actually work (nor keep you out of harms way).

All right people - here's my eighth set. You can thank me now and later!

71) Wow, you’re hot. You’re a real head turner, and you know what I mean.
72) I need your phone number, because if there’s an emergency I’ll have to call you on the HOTline.
73) In these troubling economic times, it’s awesome that you’ve got me excited. I suppose I owe you some stimulus money.
74) I hear you asked your manager for a raise. Well after looking at you, you can call my junk “Boss.”
75) Even though I’m not less filling, chicks that order Miller Lite generally like me. Because, I still taste great!
76) My nickname is the Gardner, because I’m all about trimming bush.
77) You gotta love baseball, because every night somebody’s guaranteed to score.
78) I’m very organized and you’ll be happy to know that you’re on my To Do list.
79) I’m at work now. But I get off in a couple hours, with or without you.
80) I keep calling you Vitamin D, because you nourish my bone.

DJ BJ's Can't Miss Pick Up Lines 7

"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it huuuuuuuuurts."

A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR
Once again, veteran single man, DJ BJ shares some favorite pick up lines. Our apologies. These submissions do not represent the views of ADNW, nor are they guaranteed to actually work (nor keep you out of harms way).

All right people - here's my seventh set. I expect to start hearing testimonials from some of you happy customers any time now.

61) I’m pretty liberal. If you were my girlfriend, I’d let you date other chicks.
62) You got any kids? How about you play mommy for me?
63) You got any tattoos or piercings? (Yes) Can I see and or photograph them?
64) You got any tattoos or piercings? (No) How about I do some art on your ass?
65) Do you like retro-toys? Because I’ve got a pogo-stick I’d like you to try out.
66) I think you should manage my acting career, because you’re already making me big.
67) You can call me a fossil if you like, but at least I’ve got a bone for you.
68) I respect you. You’re not just a piece of ass to me. I like your boobs too.
69) I’m not so old. I rarely use my Viagra prescription.
70) I like ambitious girls like you. Because you’d do whatever it takes to get a “head.”

DJ BJ's Can't Miss Pick Up Lines 6

A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR
As a veteran single man, DJ BJ has developed assorted pick up lines. These submissions do not represent the views of ADNW, nor are they guaranteed to actually work (nor keep you out of harms way).

INTRO
As a public service, I am willing to share some favorite, bulletproof, top shelf pick up line selections with you. This is the sixth set. I will submit more on a semi-regular basis, at least until I run out or get bored.

51) Hey, I can see you don’t sweat the small stuff, because yours are pretty big.
52) Do you ever wish you got more support? Well, I’m here for you. Let me hold your jugs.
53) You look tired. How about you take a load off by sitting in my lap?
54) If you’re not going to talk to me, can you at least dress skankier next time?
55) You’re a teacher? That’s great, because I’m ready to do me some learning.
56) I’m going to nickname you Calcium, because you’re good for my bone’s health.
57) If I were a limo driver at the airport, I’d hold a sign for you that said “Delicious.”
58) You’re so tiny you’d make my junk look huge in our sex videos.
59) You look pretty fit. How about I let you kick my ass in all the right places.
60) I’m a savvy businessman and I like to invest wisely. So, if I buy you food, drinks, or flowers, is sex on the table?

DJ BJ's Can't Miss Pick Up Lines 5

And if the pick up line thing doesn't quite work out, perhaps dress up?

A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR As a veteran single man, DJ BJ has developed an assortment of pick up lines. These submissions do not represent the views of ADNW, nor are they guaranteed to actually work (nor keep you out of harms way).

INTRO
As a public service, I am willing to share some favorite, bulletproof, top shelf pick up line selections with you. This is the fifth set. I will submit more on a semi-regular basis, at least until I run out or get bored.

41) Do you like Subway and their whole Eat Fresh thing? Well, meet my penis. I named him Fresh.
42) I just showered. I think you’ll find that I taste great.
43) Do you make pizza? Because, I’d like to eat your pie.
44) I’m naming your baby maker The Fastball, because I’d like to hit it.
45) You ever consider being a lesbian? Because you’re so hot, even other chicks would do you.
46) Tell me who you voted for last election. That way I can decide if I’m a liberal or conservative tonight.
47) You ever stick your foot in your mouth? Want to?
48) You ever stick your foot in your mouth? I named my penis – Your Foot.
49) Hey, I’m shopping around for a lightweight STD. What you got?
50) Have you heard of the big bang? I’m ready to give you a tutorial.

DJ BJ's Can't Miss Pick Up Lines 4

Mitch needs all the help he can get.

A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR As a veteran single man, DJ BJ has developed an assortment of pick up lines. These submissions do not represent the views of ADNW, nor are they guaranteed to actually work (nor keep you out of harms way).

INTRO
As a public service, I am willing to share some favorite, bulletproof, top shelf pick up line selections with you. This is the fourth set. I will submit more on a semi-regular basis, at least until I run out or get bored.

31) Sure I’m old enough to be your father. You can call me daddy if it helps.
32) Sure I’m old enough to be your father, the good news is I act more like your age.
33) Do you like animals? Cause if you do, I’ll let you touch my monkey (apologies to Mike Myers).
34) Hey baby, I’m gonna hang back a bit, because you’re hot to the touch.
35) Good news! I brought my camera tonight, because they say pictures will make it last longer.
36) I may be older than you, but I’m a modern, technically savvy man. Wanna see how you turn my floppy disk into a hard drive?
37) I might be a dog, but I’ll be a good boy for a special treat.
38) Are you a vegetarian? Because, I need to know if I should refer to my junk as a cucumber or sausage.
39) Where do you stand politically? I need to know whether you like the lights on or off when we’re having sex.
40) I’m kind of a freak about working out. How about you help me get my cardio in tonight?

DJ BJ's Can't Miss Pick Up Lines 3

Rick did not execute number 24 with the proper tone. Consequences did follow.

A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR As a veteran single man, DJ BJ has developed an assortment of pick up lines. These submissions do not represent the views of ADNW, nor are they guaranteed to actually work (nor keep you out of harms way).

INTRO
As a public service, I am willing to share some favorite, bulletproof, top shelf pick up line selections with you. This is the third set. I will submit more on a semi-regular basis, at least until I run out or get bored.

21) You’re hot. How ‘bout I drop my pants and hose you down?
22) You must work in a toy store, because all I can think of around you is an erector set.
23) (For geography chicks) So are you familiar with plate tectonics? Cause I’ve got a peninsula I’d like to turn into a body bridge with you.
24) So are you into warfare? Cause I’m about to invade your space.
25) Hey, I’m going to dip my taters into gravy. I hope you haven’t given up on starch.
26) It’s good you’re smart, because you aren’t intimidated by Calculus. That happens to be the name of my unit (because dumb chicks think it’s too hard).
27) Are you in to peace and quiet? Cause if you’ll be the piece, I’ll be quiet.
28) (In a Southern accent) Hey baby, wanna arm wrestle? Winner takes y’all? (This one also requires that she looks really frail).
29) You must be into carpentry, cause I’d like to nail you.
30) I’m going to be President. Bet you’d like to meet me in the oh-oh-oval office.

DJ BJ's Can't Miss Pick Up Lines 2

EDITOR'S NOTE
Having spent a lot of time as a single man, DJ BJ has had countless opportunities to develop a wide array of pick up lines. He has not indicated if and when these have worked, any consequences, and the state of sobriety of the target female. Having said that, these submissions do not represent the views of ADNW, nor are they guaranteed by the blog to actually work (nor keep you out of harms way). Use them at your own risk, and our apologies.

INTRO
Gentleman – In my experience, the ladies notice a bold man. Here are some of my favorite pick up lines. As a public service, I am willing to share these bulletproof, top shelf selections with you. This is the second ten. I will submit more on a semi-regular basis, at least until I run out or get bored.

11) Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em. And baby, I got ‘em.
12) Hey, I saw you checking me out. Oh, I’ve got a dangling booger? Awkward. So, now that I’ve got your attention…
13) I got a little blue pill with your name all over it.
14) (At the mall) Let me show you something in a size me.
15) (At the deli) I can hook you up with some prize sausage.
16) (At the meat counter) Look no further. I’ve some beef for ya.
17) Baby, if you were in a whore line up, I’d choose you.
18) Hey, I just had some wings. You wanna lick my fingers?
19) I’m guessing you’re a military girl, because I want to tell you in Private that I would promote you to General from a Major piece of ass.
20) (You have to be near a crapper to really sell this one). Umm, hey, can you help me fix my zipper?

DJ BJ’s Can’t Miss Pick Up Lines 1

EDITOR'S NOTE
Having spent a lot of time as a single man, DJ BJ has had countless opportunities to develop a wide array of pick up lines. He has not indicated if and when these have worked, any consequences, and the state of sobriety of the target female. Having said that, these submissions do not represent the views of ADNW, nor are they guaranteed by the blog to actually work (nor keep you out of harms way). Use them at your own risk, and our apologies.

INTRO
Gentleman – In my experience, the ladies notice a bold man. Here are some of my favorite pick up lines. As a public service, I am willing to share these bulletproof, top shelf selections with you. This is just the first ten. I will submit more on a semi-regular basis, at least until I run out or get bored.

PICK UP LINES 1 - 10
1) Yeah, but I won’t be twice your age next year.
2) Give me a break. Once I get 3 or 4 more drinks in you, I get funny!
3) Well, I figured since your friend is hotter, you’d consider talking to me.
4) I just showered. You wanna smell my butt?
5) So you’re hot and smart? You got a dumb younger sister?
6) (Car sales version) So you’re hot and smart? What can I do to put you into a couple pitchers of beer today?
7) I’m the artist, and you’re the canvas. Can I paint my love on your naked body?
8) Wear a short skirt and no panties next time. That way I’m one stumble away from getting lucky!
9) I know what you Southern girls like. That’s why I dipped my junk in barbecue sauce tonight.
10) Can I see your boobs? Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Please. Did you hear me say please?

DJ BJ's Band Names 3 - Answer Key

Due to a combination of questionable humor value, lazy readership, and perhaps some light complexity, I present the Band Names 3 Answer Key. This is for those of you that are:
a) too shy to ask questions (for fear of looking like a loser).
b) too polite (preserving my ever so fragile ego).
c) just not that interested in the first place.
Anyway, here’s some explanatory discussion.

Answer Key 21 - 30

21) You may be familiar with the term “beer dick,” or “whiskey dick.” If not, the meaning of all the above is lack of timely erection due to excessive alcohol. Or, to “use the parlance of our times,” this is chemically enhanced erectile dysfunction. “This Never Happened to Me Before” is a reference to the classic line a man utters when his unit fails at a critical moment.

22) This is fairly straightforward. The band has essentially won the lottery by getting the opportunity to go on a long tour with a band called “Drunken Sluts” which you should assume are a pack of easy girls.

23) “Yellow Puddles” refers to pee puddles. These meager guys (aka - the editors) apparently frighten easily and tend to pee themselves. They aren’t especially fond of bright lights and big stages, but you might coerce them into playing a song for you if things are calm and quiet.

24) “Aromatherapy” is the cultural phenomena associating pleasant smells with therapeutic treatment. “Dutch Oven” is the practical joke on a significant other where you fart in bed and pull the covers over his/her head, subjecting the other party to a high dose of your ass smell. Certainly this would be the opposite of a relaxing environment. “Skid Mark” is the little stain one leaves in the underpants when a fart goes wet.

25) “Inaugural” is a timely reference to the incoming President, and “Ball” is a double entendre that speaks of a formal dance and testicles (what else). “Down Under” is another double entendre for Australia and the crotch region, and being “Loaded with the Seeds of Change” is a reference to the new Presidents change platform as well as semen. Very progressive on my part, yes?

26) Hopefully you spotted the highlighted letters spelling out the alcohol drink (thanks again to the editors for making this more difficult than it needs to be). After that, the gin maker is obvious, and the condom producer is based off the actual name of the band.

27) Similar to 26, but about beer. Showing skin (“Busts”) certainly earns some extra favors, this case in the form of beer from our sponsor. Throw in the lingerie reference, and the visual is complete.

28) This is a genuine attempt at mixing the world of science and the world of sophomoric humor. “Joules” happens to sound like jewels, as in testicles. The joule happens to be an international unit of energy (unit here referring to penis). Although I couldn’t pretend to define joule in better detail, I was sold when unit met with joule.

29) I might be too pleased with this one, but I can’t help it. The “Seasonal Pubes” part is fairly simple – changing pubic hair with the season (warm and cold weather influences). “Carpet Matches Drapes” is a reference to the old, “Is she dying her hair?” question, suggesting potential for spotting a dye job by seeing the pubic hair. The “Hard Wood” part is suggesting that in the summer, I just shave it clean and get an erection. It’s compellingly graphic when I say it that way.

30) This is referring to foreskin and a particularly large penis that casts a formidable shadow.

DJ BJ's Band Names 3

I’m excited to introduce the third edition of Band Names. Although I don’t have a band (yet – still crossing my fingers), these are a selection of names I think merit serious consideration, plus an imaginative biographical blurb.

Band Names 21 - 30

21) “Whiskey Junk”
We’re hesitant to announce the release of our first album “This Has Never Happened to Me Before.”

22) “Instant Winner”
We’re thrilled to announce that we’re going on an extended tour with the “Drunken Sluts.”

23) “Yellow Puddles”
We’re a bunch of meager guys, but if you’re polite we’ll play our song, “Don’t Shout.”

24) “Aromatherapy”
We were critically panned for our song “Dutch Oven,” but we have high expectations for the upcoming release, “Skid Mark.”

25) “Inaugural Balls”
We were already huge Down Under. Now we're taking over the World with our smash hit "Loaded with the Seeds of Change."

26) “Girls In Need”
Thanks to our sponsors T*ngueray and Trojans.

27) “Busts Earn Extra Rock”
Thanks to our sponsors R*lling Rock and Victoria’s Secret.

28) “Family Joules”
Catch our international tour “Unit of Energy.”

29) “Seasonal Pubes”
You’re familiar with our album, “Carpet Matches Drapes.” Stay tuned for our summer remix, “Hard Wood Matches Drapes.”

30) “Fore-shadow”
Check out our song “Large Exposed Unit in the Sun” from our first album “Uncut Dudes.”


Stay tuned for the upcoming answer key, and at a future date another heart pounding edition of Band Names!

DJ BJ's Band Names 2 - Answer Key

Due to a combination of questionable humor value, lazy readership, and perhaps some light complexity, I present the Band Names 2 Answer Key. This is for those of you that are:
a) too shy to ask questions (for fear of looking like a loser).
b) too polite (preserving my ever so fragile ego).
c) just not that interested in the first place.
Anyway, here’s some explanatory discussion.

Answer Key 11 - 20

11) “Scratch N Sniff” is a reference to the 80’s-ish fad. In case you’re not familiar, it’s the phenomenon where you scratch the surface of a paper then smell some relevant fragrance, preferably thematically related to a picture or statement. Certainly one that reeks of “Ass” can’t be so pleasant, and buffing the pooper is just meant to be a slightly upgraded version. It’s not super clever, but the visual made me smile. So, here it is.

12) “Jug” is another less than imaginative version of boobs. The “Beggar” part is self-explanatory. It indicates going beyond a polite request. Literally, I’m referring to panhandling style desperation. The “Tequila Shots” part is a basic explanation for this allegedly creepy behavior. (Who knew)?

13) “Charmin” is obviously a reference to toilet paper. The “Panic Wipe” part is regarding those few inevitable and terrible moments in life when you don’t have this precious commodity.

14) “Afro” obviously refers to the popular 70’s hairstyle, and the “Underpants” goes back to the crotch region. Put it together and you have a full, retro style genital bush (pubic hair). Feel free to visualize. “Goody Trail” is the affectionate terminology for the hair leading toward the nether region.

15) “Sack” is about testicles again, and of course the “Deflated” thing is having your testes removed or rendered innocuous. “Matrimony” or marriage is intended to humorously fuse the two – as in, getting married means you give up your testicles.

16) This one I’m particularly proud of. Indigo is a shade darker on the rainbow than blue. Therefore it was a suggestion that the sexual frustration is to a greater degree than a standard set of blue balls.

17) Nothing imaginative here. Just using the old reference for feeling a chick up (“copping a feel”) with my new one. “Jug Hands” just means having hands full of boob. In retrospect, this might have had more pop with a better boob synonym.

18) No, I’m not talking about coffee. The cup I’m referring to is the testicle protection type (big surprise here). Bottomless and infinite is suggesting super sized genitalia (again, shocking right?).

19) Crown view is a vulgar suggestion of looking at the top of some chick’s head, therefore necessitating her being on her knees. Fill in the blank with a dose of oral sex.

20) “Flesh” implies a sexual organ, which you would hope to have handled, so to speak. “Hand Full of Love” is somewhat repetitive, but you can really get crude and believe that the “Hand” gets filled up with something else. I've been asked not to specify.

DJ BJ's Band Names 2

I’m excited to introduce my second edition of Band Names. Although I don’t have a band (yet – still crossing my fingers), these are a selection of names I think merit serious consideration, plus an imaginative biographical blurb.

Band Names 11 - 20

11) “Scratch N Sniff Ass”
We’d like to announce the reformation of the band under our new moniker, “Buff the Pooper.”

12) “The Jug Beggars”
Our opening act is also the “Tequila Shots”

13) “Panic Wipe.”
Sadly, we must announce our Charmin sponsorship was not renewed.

14) A 70’s revival band – “Afro Underpants.”
Our opening act is “Goody Trail.”

15) “Deflated Sack”
We begrudgingly follow a duo called “Matrimony.”

16) “Indigo Balls”
We play the blues with a deeper shade of frustration.

17) “Copa Feel”
Coming soon – our award winning collaboration with “Jug Hands.”

18) “Bottomless Cup”
We’re thrilled to announce the release of our first album “Infinite Testes.”

19) “Crown View”
We’re thrilled to announce the release of our first album “On Her Knees.”

20) “Flesh Handle”
We’re thrilled to announce the release of our first album “Hand Full of Love.”

Stay tuned for the upcoming answer key, and another heart pounding edition of Band Names!

DJ BJ's Band Names 1 - Answer Key

Due to a combination of questionable humor value, lazy readership, and perhaps some light complexity, I present the Band Names Answer Key. This is for those of you that are:
a) too shy to ask questions (for fear of looking like a loser).
b) too polite (thinking you'll preserve my ever so fragile ego).
c) just not that interested in the first place.
Anyway, here’s some explanatory discussion.

Answer Key 1 - 10

1) This one is fairly transparent, and unimaginative. Just getting your feet wet with a penis / oral sex joke couched in a food reference. No applause necessary.

2) Putrid is simple, but feel free to look it up if you’re still reeling from this term. Porcelain refers to a toilet bowl (as in “praying to the porcelain god”), and Porridge is another term for soup. Put it all together and you get the not so pleasant consequences of a hard night with too much tequila (or adult beverage of choice). Maybe in the next generation of this answer key, I’ll just post a picture.

3) Nauseous = gross, repugnant, repulsive, icky. You get the idea, I hope. The Favor part is a reference to sexual favors. The song title indicates you need to have a few adult beverages before “going down” on a particular chick (the ‘er = her). Sorry penis fans, this one doesn’t quite work with lick ‘em.

4) “Meat” is yet another penis reference. (Is that getting old already)? The “Donor” part means we’re willing to generously share our dongs / rods / man parts. As for the biographical blurb - we’re not very popular, nor selective. Consequently, we will not be too discriminating about where we put the “Meat.”

5) This is a better version of number 4. Same content, superior execution.

6) This is all about the sound alike terms. Try this spelling on for size – misspent semen. Then for the song title, you can pick whatever dirty word you like that begins with C (generally going for vagina stuff, but the editors asked me to forgo stating the really nasty verbiage in this forum. Yes, I also think it’s hypocritical for them to suddenly sprout some principles).

7) This one fits better in context. Originally I wrote it in response to my teams playoff loss. It’s low on cleverness index, so I’ll let you ask questions on this one if you must.

8) A “happy ending” is naughty massage terminology for getting off (being brought to sexual climax) at the end of a rubdown. Shaving is just the act of shaving, but with a backward reference to the opening act. I incorporate an oscillating head razor (ever so popularly advertised on tv), which in itself I find funny because you can imagine “Oscillating” as a really exceptional twist on oral sex (which “Head” indicates).

9) Sound alike terms – I’m obviously speaking of the verbs kneel and bob, and not the proper names. Yes, here’s yet another reference to oral sex (I really hope you get the imagery, because the editors have refused to let me post a picture). In this case “4 Coin” means paying for it. The song title is admittedly a lame addition. I just put it there for a sense of symmetry. Sue me.

10) This is about knocking a chick up after getting plowed / drunk and making some bad decisions. Could also assume this is from a chick’s point of view – she picked a loser and things went from bad to worse.

DJ BJ's Band Names 1

I’m excited to introduce my first edition of Band Names. Although I don’t have a band (yet – still crossing my fingers), these are a selection of names I think merit serious consideration, plus an imaginative biographical blurb.

Band Names 1 – 10

1) “All U Can Eat Meat”
Coming in spring is our “One Item on the Buffet” tour.

2) “Putrid Porcelain Porridge” (some call us 3P)
Our opening act is the “Tequila Shots.”

3) “Nauseous Favors“
Don’t miss our hit song, “Beer Before Lick ‘Er.”

4) “Meat Donors”
Until we develop a fan base, we’ll just be playing in whatever hole will have us.

5) “Benevolent Gigolos”
Until we find a paying gig, we’ll just play in any hole that will have us.

6) “Miss Spent Sea Men”
Look for our album “Lust at C.”

7) “Profound Disillusionment”
We’re huge with sports fans and divorcees (and political activists. This addition via Mark T).

8) “Happy End Shavers”
Our opening act is “Oscillating Head.”

9) “Neil & Bob 4 Coin” (adapted from a Dirty Rob D joke apx 1985)
We just released our first album, “Tail Never Fails, But Head Is Money.”

10) “Unfortunate Conception”
Our opening act is the “Tequila Shots” and the “Hazy Decisions.”


This concludes today's selection. Stay tuned for the upcoming answer key, and another heart pounding edition of Band Names!