A Dave New World

Life through a different lens

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Orpheus 9 - Band Of Horses

http://www.edgetulsa.com/pages/pages.php?page=306Concert Series!

Band: Band Of Horses

Website: http://www.bandofhorses.com

Date: October 17, 2010

Location: Murat Egyptian Room Indianapolis, IN

I enjoyed, this past Sunday night, seeing “Band Of Horses” live, touring for their newest album, ‘Infinite Arms’ to an energetic crowd. This year’s release produced a favorite song, ‘Older’, which hit home for me this year! A well-played version was a highlight, along with Laredo for this cheering fan. The playlist was a good mix of songs from all three albums and touched on what seemed to be mostly fan favorites.



2007’s ‘Is There a Ghost
’ and ‘No One’s Gonna Love You’ from the Ceases To Begin album where strong sing along songs, and lead singer Ben Bridwell’s lyrics showed why
this album was 47th in Rolling Stone’s top albums of the year.

The Funeral’, maybe the bands best known song, finished the main set. You might remember this song from the debut Everything All The Time. Used in many TV shows, movies and for the 2008 Ford Edge commercial, this was clearly their most popular song. There is something to be said about a song with a death theme being used to sell cars and a concert where the audience waves its hands in the air excited to hear it, but then I guess that’s proof of a good time and a great song.











Check out these tracks and albums:
  1. The Funeral
  2. Older
  3. Laredo
  4. Is There a Ghost
  5. No One’s Gonna Love You
  6. Cigarettes, Wedding Bands
  7. The Great Salt Lake
  8. On My Way Back Home
Infinite Arms CoverCease to Begin CoverEverything All the Time Cover

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

CRAIGSLIST EXPOSED 6

At the offices of ADNW, we are a bit embarrassed to admit a recent fixation on Craigslist. But, it’s not what you think. Craigslist is a fascinating world, where the veil of anonymity allows people to say and ask for all kinds of crazy crap. The grammar is rarely eloquent and the verbiage is frequently cryptic. But you’re in luck, our team at ADNW has cracked the craigslist code. This series is a sampling of a few favorites, accompanied by our official ADNW translation. Names and places have been changed or deleted to protect the not so innocent.

Random crap in my neighbors yard. Take anything. Please!

BIKINI CAR WASH AUG 21,2010

Hello Ladies,

Were looking for very shapely, attractive ladies. You must be shape to wear a bikini or a midriff top and leggins. This event is a bkini car wash so you will be getting wet and washing cars. The company is a well known company in the Urban Communities, so this will be an excellent exposure event.

You must do your own hair and make-up.

Please send 3 pics, dosen't have to be professional pic, a headshot (close up of face), a full bodyshot or sideshot and last A BACKSHOT.

PLEASE ALL PICS MUST BE VERY CLEAR

18 AND OLDER

YOU MUST BE AVAILBLE THE ENTIRE TIME AND TIME WILL BE ANNOUNCED

TRANSLATION

Yeah, there’s no bikini car wash. What I do have is a website, and I would love to repost your pictures. The nastier the better! So, like I said – lots and lots of exposure. Hope your Dad doesn’t surf a lot of porn. Thanks in advance for the freebies!

Free stuff salvation army didn't take

I have some christmas stuff and one larger speaker and two bags of hanger and a set of bed rails if any one's interested they are on my lawn at xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

salvation army didn't want to take them

TRANSLATION

Yep – I just got garbage. I’d much appreciate it if you would be kind enough to overlook the fact that the stuff is crap and just take it off my hands. The neighbors are kind of getting pissed off. Thanks in advance for getting overly excited about the word “free.”

Free TV

I have an old tv that is in decent working order. It's about a 26" tv (I think), color, good working order, Zenith. It's bulky but who cares if it is free and works. If I wasn't moving to another state I would probably keep it until it dies on me.

JUST THE TV. Not the cable boxes, dvd player or shark. You need to pick this up by next week and you need to bring someone to help you if you can't carry it yourself.

*UPDATE* Since I've already gotten some choice emails (what more could I expect from people on Craig's List), let me put some more updates here. The items are FREE. Meaning you either want it or don't. FREE meaning that they probably aren't worth trying to sell. FREE meaning that they are not perfect. But if I say they are decent then they are decent. If you don't have a car or any mode of transportation, or anyone who can drive you, I don't know why you would bother to respond to me on picking up these items. And I deal with enough crazy so I don't want to deal with Craig's List crazies. So only somewhat normal people need reply.

TRANSLATION

Everything shown in the picture is included, and yes, I’m happy to deliver it.

Photographer

I'm looking for a photographer who is looking to build their portfolio. I want to get a few shots done for my birthday, don't need prints, just digital copies. In exchange you get to build your portfolio.
Looking for around labor day timeframe.

TRANSLATION

I don’t own a camera, and I heard from a friend that there are idiots on craigslist that might actually do this kind of shit for free. Any takers?

Re: Photographer (Free-ville)

Would somebody please answer my question? Why on Earth do people pick on photographers, videographers, artists, etc., for free services? WE need to make money too, just like you!!!! Do you earn a paycheck? Does your boss earn a paycheck? Sure you both do!
What makes you think, that shooting your photos, will allow me to get more "paying" work? Suppose the last person I shot photos for said the same thing? Or perhaps the next one says it as well? Because I can tell you, that they will or already do!

Everyone who wants free services, hide behind the idea that by shooting for them for free, we all will improve our portfolios! Great!
But, I don't need my portfolio improved any! A portfolio cannot pay any bills! Only money can do that! Would you ask the manager at a gas station to give you free gas? Do you walk into a grocery store asking for free food? I don't think so! Why? I can tell you why.
You know as well as the next guy, that you would not get away with it! Why do you think, that people who devote long hours honing their skills, spend money on expensive gear would just spend time, expense and travel on giving you free services??? You have got to have quite a brass set to ask that!!!

I BEG ALL ARTISTS OUT THERE...PLEASE DO NOT ACCEPT WORK LIKE THIS!!! DO NOT DO ANYTHING FOR FREE!!!! YOUR TIME IS WORTH
SOMETHING!!!!! BY GIVING IN TO THIS CRAP, YOU ARE LOWERING THE VALUE OF THE SERVICE FOR ALL ARTISTS EVERYWHERE!!!
DON'T THINK FOR ONE MINUTE THAT BY DOING SOMETHING "TO EXPAND YOUR PORTFOLIO" WILL REALLY HELP YOU ANY!! THE NEXT PERSON
WILL SAY THE SAME THING TO YOU!!!!

The Artists Avenger

Say no to low/no pay!! Support indie film in xxxxxxx!

TRANSLATION

Here’s the thing - I bought a buttload of really expensive equipment. Consequently, I don’t have a real job to pay my bills. Now, I have nothing but time to sift through craigslist adds and repost bitchy replies.

P.S. - I’d appreciate it if you refer to me as an “artist.” My mom won’t stop giving me shit.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

CRAIGSLIST EXPOSED 5

At the offices of ADNW, we are a bit embarrassed to admit a recent fixation on Craigslist. But, it’s not what you think. Craigslist is a fascinating world, where the veil of anonymity allows people to say and ask for all kinds of crazy crap. The grammar is rarely eloquent and the verbiage is frequently cryptic. But you’re in luck, our team at ADNW has cracked the craigslist code. This series is a sampling of a few favorites, accompanied by our official ADNW translation. Names and places have been changed or deleted to protect the not so innocent.
Available to good home - gently used mega-condom

small to medium doggie clothes

WILL ONLY RESPOND TO NAME AND NUMBER TO ARRANGE PORCH PICK UP THANKS. these are to big for my 8 pound malteese so i would call them medium also some bandannas and a halloween costume

TRANSLATION

My dog killed himself after I made him wear all this stupid shit. Can’t bring myself to throw it away. Wanna try your luck?

duck sauce

Good evening to you all,
I have 5, 472 packets of E. Ping kosher duck sauce. This is the type that comes in your chinese take-out but far classier. Please come pick it up, I want to give it to a kind and loving home. they go bad September 10th, so come and get it! They are in comercial packaging for easy transport. Serious inquiries only.

TRANSLATION

I spent the last 6 months stealing every last duck sauce packet in the county. And now I kind of feel bad about it. So Mr. Lee, I’m sorry for kicking you in the nuts while fleeing your restaurant. If I give back your box of condiments, will you drop the charges?

Free - Weider weight machine

I bought this workout machine for my wife. As usual her motivation is slim to none and it isnt being used..call her and discuss this with her...ask for Karen xxx-xxx-xxxx

I would post a picture but I've done enough just buying and hauling it for her

TRANSLATION

This exercise machine was my generous fifth anniversary present to my wife. And she got all bitchy about it! She thought it was my way of calling her a fat slob. Figures – she got all bent about the new ironing board, and vacuum I bought her last couple birthdays too. Ungrateful bitch.

Free - tv

wife hates tv call her Karen xxx-xxx-xxxx

TRANSLATION

Yeah, me again. So the bitch tells me I watch too much TV! Well F--- her. She can listen to the sound of my ulcers growing while she cruises facebook every friggin night for 12 hours!

Please call her. She’s going to be so pissed. Maybe she’ll die of a heart attack and save me the time and expense of a divorce.

Watch A Live Performance

Young Black Couple invites spectators and participants

TRANSLATION

Calling all desperate and pasty, 45-year old fat guys! Depending on our mood, we might actually begin the sex show before mugging you. Given the pictures we’ll be taking, we know you’d never have the balls (pun intended) to file a police report on this scam. Thanks in advance for your discrete donations to our party fund.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

CRAIGSLIST EXPOSED 4

At the offices of ADNW, we are a bit embarrassed to admit a recent fixation on Craigslist. But, it’s not what you think. Craigslist is a fascinating world, where the veil of anonymity allows people to say and ask for all kinds of crazy crap. The grammar is rarely eloquent and the verbiage is frequently cryptic. But you’re in luck, our team at ADNW has cracked the craigslist code. This series is a sampling of a few favorites, accompanied by our official ADNW translation. Names and places have been changed or deleted to protect the not so innocent.
Wanted: Shirt - size is important

IPhone 4 Mirrored Screen Protector

I have a bunch of extra screen protectors for IPhone 4. These are the mirrored ones that make your phone look like a mirror when the screen is off. This screen protector is good if you've bought a case for your phone but still are in danger of scratching the screen. Overall the protector works pretty well. It has this mirror finish to it, so it makes the screen a little harder to read in bright sunlight, but just as well indoors. You can offset that a little bit by turning up the brightness on your phone.

Anyway, I'm happy to give you one as I got a bunch of extras in the mail and I probably only need 1 extra, not a whole bunch. I'm at the Henderson's Wharf just down the street from the Red Star. Don't go too far out of your way for these, they're only $1 or $3 on ebay.

Cheers, Mike

TRANSLATION

I am so fucking lonely. I named a spider that lives in my bathroom, but he isn’t much of a conversationalist. I frequently stroll through bad neighborhoods hoping somebody will kick my ass or something, just to prove I’m alive. Wanna hang out? Anybody? Is this thing on?

unisex baby swing

In good WORKING condition.
Great for someone in need.
We just moved and in the move our sons swing lost some pieces.
The bottom front right piece (see pic 1) is missing.
Im not sure what it was used for, it does not keep it level.
Also the toys on the tray are missing.(pic2)
It still works great. It has 6 swing levels and plays music.
I would tie a swring across the top and hang toys down for him.
Its free!

TRANSLATION

The garbage truck won’t take my broken baby swing. Dicks. I thought maybe I’d have a go at this craigslist thing. People start slobbering when you use the word free, so what the hell, right? Look, I’m telling you up front that it’s crap, so don’t just show up and leave without getting it the hell out of here. You came all the way this way, may as well take it. Drop if off at the dump, maybe?

FREE 24" Box window fan and rat

Let me start by saying the rat is dead...

So, for the last two days I have been dealing with the dead rat smell. I have torn cupboards apart, bleached sinks kept no dirty dishes, and not gone to bed with trash in my little studio and still couldn't find the source of the smell. Tonight I came home and jokingly thought maybe the damn fan died, even started blaming my landlord. Lo and behold, upon closer inspection, I realized that some chunky bastard had managed to get caught in the fan. As a fat chick I am accustomed to sticky situations, tight squeezes and the occassional cramped quarters; but as to how this fat bastard managed to squeeze through and more importantly what drove him to even attempt it.

I smell a bet gone horribly wrong...get it, smell? Ok whatever.

The fan though dirty is fairly new and was purchased at the Chase street Rite Aid less than four months ago, the rat looks pretty young too. So if you feel like unscrewing the cover you've got yourself a fairly new fan and a seriously dead mouse. I'd really hate to throw out a perfectly good and new albeit stinky fan. Drop me a line if interested .

Cheers,
Sheena.

TRANSLATION

Wow. NO punch line could improve this one. Bravo “fat chick.” Bravo.

Nice hangers

Plastic hangers assorted colors but all in good shape. redoing closet and bought new ones. Probably have 30-40 and hate to just throw them out. XXX-XXX-XXXX

TRANSLATION

I hoard shit. I’m pretty sure I haven’t thrown anything away since 1988 (which strangely coincides with my last date). By “redoing my closet”, I mean I have abandoned the hope of actually trying to hang stuff up in there. Matter of fact, I’m probably just going to donate that room to the rats and roaches. SAVE ME!


Exploration, eroticism, no sex, cool stories

Again, NONE of these include sex.

This is more about eroticism and sensory than anything else.

Among other arts, I am a writer who often writes outside of the lines. Often I will experience circumstances that I write about, sometimes several times, and use these collective experiences in my work. I like to expereince some of the situations that my characters do. It is not so much the interactions of a single experience, but a weaving together of many experiences. NONE of these include sex.

One novel I am working on as well as a collection of short stories have situations based on sets of interactions designed to highten awareness of the senses through various means. I am willing to pay for a female to take on the rolls and to give me feedback after we are done with the "sets" or expereinces. Another work is a collection of stories based upon a "game" of sorts.

If you reply, comment on why would you be interested in trying something so unusal.

Again, NONE of these include sex.

TRANSLATION

Obviously I use the term “writer” liberally. I submit a lot of stuff to Penthouse Forum. Unfortunately, they stopped returning my calls, taking my letters, and there is a restraining order involved. But, none of that stuff is important. What I really want is to get with an anatomically correct woman with a heartbeat. And, I would sincerely love to stick my pecker in you, but I haven’t popped wood since the first Bush administration. Viagra is an option, but it sort of conflicts with some other, ummm let’s call it “medication”, that I’m on. But what I’m really about is torture, anyway. I have this “game” I like to play, called “How long can you hold your breath underwater in my bathtub?” So, hit me up if you're into something very memorable!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

CRAIGSLIST EXPOSED 3

At the offices of ADNW, we are a bit embarrassed to admit a recent fixation on Craigslist. But, it’s not what you think. Craigslist is a fascinating world, where the veil of anonymity allows people to say and ask for all kinds of crazy crap. The grammar is rarely eloquent and the verbiage is frequently cryptic. But you’re in luck, our team at ADNW has cracked the craigslist code. This series is a sampling of a few favorites, accompanied by our official ADNW translation. Names and places have been changed or deleted to protect the not so innocent.
Come see the many upgrades in our reasonably priced luxury suites!

Nintendo 64 with 12 games and football cards

Nintendo 64 with 12 games
Hey you : Pikachu, Super Smash Bros., Mario Kart 64, Pokemon Stadium, Army Men, Sarge's Heroes, Mario Party 3, Kirby 64: the crystal shards, Wrestlemania 2000, Tony Hawks Pro Skater, WF Attitude, Mortal Kombat 4, and WCW vs NWO
2 controllers (grey and purple), memory card, gameshark pro, ereader, and tremorpak plus. The system and games work.

I also have a box full of football cards.

I will consider trade, or your best cash offer. Am interested in getting an itouch but other offers considered.

TRANSLATION

Remember the movie, “40 Year Old Virgin?” Yeah, I’m living it. Unfortunately, I still live with my mom, who is really getting on my nerves, because she won’t buy me any new crap. So in an effort to become more independent, I’ve branched out into various profitable enterprises –

1) Trading stuff on craigslist.

2) Trying to capture that damn leprechaun at the end of the rainbow.

3) Metal detecting. (Hey, bite me! I’m no amateur. I got a certification and shit.)

Female vocalist wants to start Hendrix tribute band

Hey,
I'm a female vocalist that wants to start a Hendrix tribute/cover band. I'm open to other artists too, but mostly Hendrix. I have a practice space at my house, and equipment(PA/mixer/etc).
I'm looking to play clubs, and festivals no more than three times a month. So, if your interested drop me a line.
xoxoxo-Jessi

TRANSLATION

Hendrix wasn’t exactly known for his vocals, and you sure as hell won’t be impressed with mine. I do know the lyrics to about 4 Hendrix songs and have an impressively husky voice, thanks to a few thousand Marlboro Reds and a love affair with Jim Beam. One minor catch, I don’t know shit about playing guitar (this is where I hope you come in), but I do have a bitchin’ karaoke machine.

xoxoxox = I’ll give you a blowjob if you play your cards right.

FREE bag of hair and body products

FRE Ebag of hair products like leav ein conditoner - blow dry stuff- Olay samples, things like that
free proch pick up email me for details
or day to do dorrstep pick up

TRANSLATION

Yeah, that’s right. In the subject line, I said a “free bag of hair.” You probably think that was an accident given my ridiculously poor grammar. Nope. I actually have a bag of human hair, partially collected from myself (you figure out from which parts), and partially from the last dumbass that came stumbling up to my porch trying to collect a bag of free gargabe. We had such a good time together, that I’m thinking of a repeat performance. So if you wanna hang out for a couple months in my dungeon, drop by!

bs/gs

hi we are an interracial couple looking for a white female to give us a gs/bs that is all you would have to do is to come golden shower and poop on us.

serious inquires only

serious in the subject line

TRANSLATION

I don’t know what bs/gs means, and I refuse to google it. But, God bless America. These degenerates used the word “serious” twice in a post that said, “poop on us.”

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

CRAIGSLIST EXPOSED 2

At the offices of ADNW, we are a bit embarrassed to admit a recent fixation on Craigslist. But, it’s not what you think. Craigslist is a fascinating world, where the veil of anonymity allows people to say and ask for all kinds of crazy crap. The grammar is rarely eloquent and the verbiage is frequently cryptic. But you’re in luck, our team at ADNW has cracked the craigslist code. This series is a sampling of a few favorites, accompanied by our official ADNW translation. Names and places have been changed or deleted to protect the not so innocent.

Nude female models $400

I'm in need of a few models for video and stills of public nudity and masturbation.
Will be in XXXX and surrounding area.
Pay will be up to 200-400 depending on the nature of the shoot agreed on and will last
about 2 hours. Please respond with pics, information about yourself and your schedule. Look forward to talking

TRANSLATION

Ummmm- okay, not so much translation as much as commentary. Really? It’s a damn good thing craigslist wasn’t around when I was 16.

CAR RENTAL - $150

HELLO,
I AM CURRENTLY LOOKING FOR A CAR TO RENT FROM SOMEONE FOR THE WEEKEND OF AUGUST 20-22
I WANT TO TRAVEL TO NEW JERSEY FOR THE WEEKEND.
I AM 19 YEARS OLD AND VERY RESPONSIBLE
I CANT RENT FROM A RENTAL CAR PLACE BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO BE 21 OR OLDER TO RENT
I AM WILLING TO GIVE YOU 150 FOR THE WEEKEND.
TRUST- I AM WILLING TO SIGN A CONTRACT AND LET YOU SEE MY ID SO YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE INFORMATION YOU NEED IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO THE CAR OR DAMAGES BUT I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT ANYTHING WILL HAPPEN SINCE I HAD MY LICENSE FOR TWO YEARS AND NEVER GOT IN A SINGLE ACCIDENT.
EMAIL ME AT xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TRANSLATION

Can you believe that these SOB car rental bitches won’t rent me a car? My experience includes driving hundreds of miles and for 10’s of days. AND, I have personally survived over 12 car accidents (some of which were NOT my fault!), which takes serious skills. Of course, at this point none of my friends or family will even let me ride in the back seat of their car, much less borrow one for the weekend, necessitating this ridiculous and desperate request. Here’s the deal – I give you $150 to hand over your $10,000 ride and you clinch your butt cheeks for 72 hours until you give up and report the car stolen.

So, hit me back at Igonnafuckupyoride@dumbass.com

HOLY SHIT IT'S A TAPE MEASURE!

Holy hairy monkey testicles, what wouldn't you give to get your mangy paws on one of these?!

- Fucker is 12 feet long, and wider than my cock! It'll stretch into fucking forever or some shit!
- It's made of some kind of fucking shiny plastic. It'll blind your goddamn enemies!
- It's called the Fractionier, like it's some kind of fucking superhero!
- It's made in Taiwan. every time you use it, you're sticking it to those commie sons of bitches on the mainland! Fuck Yeah!

Make me an offer for it, if you fucking DARE!

TRANSLATION

Found this gem in the barter section. What am I going to add? This dude is funny.

my handyman skill for massage from female

hello iam a handyman can do alot of differeant trades home improvment skills electrical plumbing hvac what iam loking for in trade is a massage from a female no games no drama if this interest you please email me

TRANSLATION

Yes ladies, I’m that stereotypical plumber guy with my ass crack hanging out the back of my pants. Yes, I’m familiar with all things sewage, and yes, I have the smell to match (you decide if it’s hygiene or occupational hazard). But here’s the thing – I have certain fetishes, and I don’t have the cash (because frankly, I kind of suck at what I do) to drop on a pro. Don’t really care what you look like, because I’m kind of desperate and am willing to wear a bag over my head for your sake and mine. Holla!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

CRAIGSLIST EXPOSED 1

At the offices of ADNW, we are a bit embarrassed to admit a recent fixation on Craigslist. But, it’s not what you think. Craigslist is a fascinating world, where the veil of anonymity allows people to say and ask for all kinds of crazy crap. The grammar is rarely eloquent and the verbiage is frequently cryptic. But you’re in luck, our team at ADNW has cracked the craigslist code. This series is a sampling of a few favorites, accompanied by our official ADNW translation. Names and places have been changed or deleted to protect the not so innocent.

You're hired!

Are you looking for a model?

I'm looking to fill some cancellation spots in my schedule this weekend and next week.
I do everything up to full nudity, both artistic and erotic. I'm letting you decide my compensation but I can't do trades right now.
I'm professional and experienced but that doesn't mean you need to be, I'll work with anyone who's serious. I do private collections, portfolios, projects. I'm easy to work with and LOVE being creative.
Lets make it happen!
(Pictures sent after replies are received <3)

TRANSLATION

No way to candy coat this - I’m a 46 year old whore. But, I have been around the block a few times and know all the tricks (pardon the pun). If you’ve got a fantasy, I’ll make it happen and you can videotape the whole thing!

P.S. I’ll send you a picture of myself 20 years ago upon request (obscene emoticon).

Seeking a Woman to Pose for a Shoot

I am looking for someone to pose for a shoot. Age, race etc. are not important. I prefer someone who is not a professional but someone who can use some photos to build their portfolio. All you have to do is be over 18, send me two or more photos showing your best side. Also tell me whether or not whether you can pose for semi nude and nude shots.You must be able to host. Date and time you are available. The ball is in your court. All you have to do is to convince me to select you. Compensation is negotiable.

TRANSLATION

Seriously, I just want to see a live woman naked. I prefer you are relatively na├»ve and never, ever learn where I live, because (and this is important), I’m going to ask you to do some freaky shit. I got like 50 bucks (my weekly allowance for the titty bar) for the first person to actually respond to this add.

I want to start a band

I want to start a band. The theme of the band will be vampires so if you have an interest in music and vampires let me know! All I have is my mac laptop and the garageband application so if you have any other talents to offer i can be contacted by the email provided! I am a vampire fanatic and would love to start a band full of vampires and vampire lovers. Bring any ideas to the table. I already have some beats set up and can be found on youtube. My youtube name is XXXXXX so if your curious look me up!

TRANSLATION

I don’t really have any particular musical talent, nor have I actually dated outside my imaginary friend (who I cleverly named Bella). I’m thinking that starting a band could really kick start my social life, and I would really, really like the chance to wear makeup and play vampire dress up. Please?!

27 inch tv

for sale or trade
27 inch tv
2 glass tables
cd/dvd for car and screen
3 garmin nuvis models 200 250 255

TRANSLATION

That’s right - I stole your crap. If you want it, hit me back on craigslist and we can meet at a neutral site. No cops or the glass table gets it!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Douchebag 101 - Lesson 8

At ADNW, we believe the World is full of aspiring douchebags. Whether due to a foul mood, illness, habit, or simply for sport, everyone engages in a little douchebaggery now and again. [Douchebaggery (n) – the deliberate or unintentional act of behaving like a douchebag.] Most of us will apologize or at least feel badly about ill behavior in retrospect. But for those of you douchebags aspiring to go pro, ADNW has some lessons to help you on your journey. Best of luck – Douchebag!

36 – Cut in line – Standing in line was about all you learned in kindergarten, but you’re not going to play by their rules anymore! The genius of cutting is that you can do it at the movie theatre, at the game, in a car, or just about anywhere. You might get called on it every now and again, but it is quintessential douchebag behavior. You’ll never fail to piss people off with this little maneuver.

37 – Embrace a polarized political stance - It really doesn’t matter if it’s conservative or liberal. You simply have to be immobile in your beliefs. Don’t even spare a moment to acknowledge competing viewpoints. Regardless the argument, you’re right. When pressed, you should generally attempt to overcome sensible counter-arguments by shouting over, ignoring, or distracting your opponent.

38 – Make shit up – This can be applied to nearly anything, but one particularly annoying usage is when answering a question. If you don’t know the answer, it is not acceptable to simply acknowledge you don’t know. You need to make shit up. This preserves your omnipotent presence, and plants the seed for an innocent rube to be embarrassed later when he/she regurgitates your line of shit. (Beware of knowledgeable people. If you can’t sniff them out in advance, you can easily play the “just kidding” card.)

39 – Stay anonymous – When possible, don’t put yourself out there as the source of someone else’s bad day. Be a douchebag anonymously. Make insensitive comments anonymously. Use ultra-dark tinting on your car windows for commuting anonymity, and generally try to stir shit up in anonymity. You may not get to see the repercussions of all your douchebaggery, but you can rest comfortably knowing somebody that thinks you suck, probably won’t be able to find you.

40 – Bandwagon it – Don’t just settle for cheering for a local team. Don’t settle for cheering for the team you cheered for last year. Don’t let yourself be swayed by any type of emotional baggage. Jump on that bandwagon, baby! The only thing your team and you need to have in common is winning. Damn the loyalty, full speed ahead!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Wisdom from the Cubicle Jungle - 10

Businesses have assorted justifications for work cubicles – brainstorm area, space savings, inexpensive production, social accountability, etc. Physically, the cube is a slightly modified version of an elementary school desk. And this description comfortably fits the hierarchical intent and ensuing behavior. The cube dwellers are the incorrigible third graders, and the neighboring office dwellers are the real adults. Born from the careful observations of a novice cube dweller, this series is an attempt to identify the complex rules of the cubicle jungle. Don’t be alarmed if some rules seem contradictory.

46) Want to feign productivity while job hunting and social networking because you’re a-hole boss expects results? The old paper shuffle is a suitable strategy. Moving crap from one side of your desk to the other is an empty, but polite and conciliatory move that acknowledges the expectation for minimal output.

47) If you have the social skills to be a gregarious cube dweller, use them. Otherwise, you’ll have to learn subtle and strategic craftiness to get others to do your work. You should consider relationship building as maintaining a strong support staff. And by support staff, obviously that means co-workers (superiors, equals, inferiors – it doesn’t really matter) who are willing to do all the work you so carefully avoid.

48) A reliable gauge that conversation has meandered from productive to entertainment mode is when you hear repetitive usage of the phrase, “then I /he/she said.”

49) Regardless the entertainment value, it’s generally going to be a bad idea to openly mock your fellow cube dwellers. You know, because there are no walls. The best way to talk behind someone’s back is via social networking. Otherwise, keep a cork on your ‘balls on impressions’ until you get in a different setting.

50) In a cube jungle, the literal definition of the phrase – “I’ll be here all day” is – “I’ll be glued to my desk all day, except for the first couple hours of the morning, during my generous lunch hour, and before my early exit. But, why not call/stop by anyway? I’ve got to check my Facebook account at some point.”

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Orpheus 8 - Rogue Wave

http://www.edgetulsa.com/pages/pages.php?page=306 Concert Series!

Band: Rogue Wave

Website: http://www.roguewavemusic.com/

Date: April 18, 2010

Location: Bluebird, Bloomington, IN

A great place to see bands off the campus of Indiana University, the Bluebird Nightclub, played host to one great show last Sunday night. Oakland, California’s, Rogue Wave brought their unique indie rock sound back to drummer, Pat Sturgeon’s college hang out. As an IU alumnus, Pat took the mic to promote original live music and played with rhythmic heart to the admiration of future graduates and diehard fans.

Sturgeon recently finished a documentary, D-Tour, which chronicled his search for a kidney donor after battling kidney failure in recent years.

Playing a great mix of classic tracks and new songs from the just released, Permalight, Pat and lead singer/guitarist, Zach Rogue, and company jammed out 17 songs over an hour and half. Check out their music which was recently featured live in the movie, Love Happens, as well as in Napoleon Dynamite, television shows, Heroes and Weeds, and commercials for ESPN. You’ll know you’ve heard these songs before…

Check out these tracks and albums:

  1. Permalight
  2. Good Morning (The Future)
  3. Lake Michigan
  4. Bird On A Wire
  5. Publish My Love
  6. Love’s Lost Guarantee
  7. Every Moment