BATHROOM ETIQUETTE 1.1

EDITOR'S NOTE
ADNW does not casually wade into the pool of public service announcements. Loyal readers will know our standard agenda meanders from lewd commentary (DJ BJ) to general enlightenment (Dr. Love). In fact, public service is generally against our principles. But, even ADNW has to take a stand now and again. In the following series, we’ll highlight what could be generously labeled – inappropriate public behavior. In so doing, we hope to actively become agents of change. Idiots take note.

SERIES 1 - RULES FOR PUBLIC BATHROOMS
I have a palpable disdain for public bathrooms. I think they’re customarily dirty, they lack privacy, and you have to share space that regrettably exposes and exaggerates conflicting personal and cultural norms. This initial series of posts will deal with setting some ground rules.

RULE 1 – WASH UP
If you’re a glutton for punishment and perhaps a half dose naïve, a short stay in a public bathroom could prove enlightening. There are a disturbing number of dudes that don’t seem to care about sanitation. I, for one, believe that any trip to the bathroom (public or private) merits washing your damn hands. Whether due to personal belief, laziness, or ignorance, not everyone apparently agrees. There’s a classic military joke. A sailor lectures a marine about how after taking a piss; in the navy they train them to wash their hands. The marine cleverly retorts, “Marines are trained not to piss on their hands.” That’s swell, and arguably funny. But here’s the deal, you still touched your cock! In no way, shape or form do I want to vicariously touch your penis if there’s the slightest chance that later we might shake hands. Let’s not even delve into the arena of what happens when you take a dump. Let’s just leave it at wash your friggin hands! I don’t want to touch anything - your hand, a door handle, a phone, a lampshade - that has vicariously touched your junk or poo.

PARANOID TIP OF THE DAY
Those of you that do care about bathroom etiquette, generally think carefully about sanitation. Let others call you obsessive compulsive, while they indiscriminately pass the plague. Here are some tips for keeping the experience as clean as possible.

TIP 1
Don’t toss that paper towel too early – I believe that the end of cleanliness begins with the next surface you touch. Delay that as long as possible by using your hand towel as a barrier between you and any door handles on your way out of the cesspool.