BATHROOM ETIQUETTE 1.4

RULE 4 – FLUSH IT!

There was an amusing line regarding human waste in Meet the Fockers. “If it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, flush it down.” Regarding public bathrooms, I’m going to go out on a limb here and say, just flush it Focker! I’m all for being eco-conscious, but I simply don’t want to rate your diet by visually inspecting the consistency of your crap or judge your level of dehydration from the color of your piss. And I certainly don’t want to relate the term green to another man’s poo. I believe staying sanitary (and the bonus of eliminating smell) outweighs the perceived value of this water conservation strategy. I’m not well versed on green economy, but in my estimation, there should be some consideration for the environmental cost of meds and other consequences of healing the victims of poor sanitation. I hate to bring it up, but if you’ve ever been in a port-a-potty after a NASCAR race, you have experienced the worst-case scenario. I’m pretty sure that some of the Biblical plagues originated in a comparable environment. And let’s set aside the ecological impact for a moment - not seeing your business is good for my attitude, which is already on edge with having to share bathroom space with you in the first place. If you want to play chemistry experiment in the crapper, inflict it on your family members, not me.

PARANOID BATHROOM TIP OF THE WEEK 2

Those of you that do care about bathroom etiquette, generally think carefully about sanitation as well. Let others call you obsessive compulsive, while they amiably pass the plague. Here are some tips for keeping the experience as clean as possible.

TIP 3

Don’t touch the sink after you wash. You obviously have to touch the water faucet to turn it on, but plan ahead by grabbing a hand towel before you have to switch the water off after cleaning your hands. Not everyone actually uses soap, and like you, they had to touch the handle before they got clean. Worst case scenario – use an elbow, shirtsleeve or the back of your hand. Try not to use a digit that you might later use to pick your teeth or rub your eye.