COMMUNICATION
“Live free or die” – In addition to being a state motto, this phrase is a conversation killer/crutch. The locals commonly dismiss arguments, or any challenging topic in general, with the statement, “Live free or die.”
Here’s a sample conversation –
Dave: “Do you understand that lacking state sales tax and state income tax means cash for education and infrastructure won’t just magic itself into the budget?”
Local: “Well, live free or die.”
Dave: “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
Local: “You know. Live free or die!”
Dave: “You didn’t actually say anything. You may as well have told me to buy skim milk.”
Local: “I’m just saying – live free or die.”
Dave: Nonverbal response is smacking head repeatedly and praying for amnesia to delete the previous conversation.
I’m also convinced that locals really don’t understand the phrase anyway. Rather than something along the lines of - I shall live free or die trying, they actually think it means – you’d better let me do as I want to do, or you go die.
They hit you in the face with it coming in the front door. Notice the all caps, and pay special attention to that airport tag.Signage ignorance/absence – One palpable symptom of social ineptness in the region, certainly including New Hampshire, is lack of signage. Not even Mapquest can make sense of Boston. And, it’s not just visitors doing the complaining. Locals painfully wear the battle scars from laboring through city traffic and zigzagging to a location of chance. Furthermore, it’s not just city driving. It’s a cultural thing. There is somehow an aversion to putting up a damn sign in the whole region. When on a road, it’s impossible to know what the hell road you’re on because they don’t put up signs at cross streets. And when you do get a sign, you’re looking at it from the wrong side of a barrier after already going the wrong way. Even walking is a chore. I took one memorable trip to a Dartmouth football game that started with 5-6 stops just to find the will-call ticket booth. One lady on the next to last stop happily explained, “Dartmouth is famously devoid of signs.” I doubt it has anything to do with saving the $16. Rather, it’s a statement - “We don’t want you here, and if you show up, good luck you poor inferior bastard.”
This is a shot from a moving car of some rare signage. About 40 states have never heard of frost heaves (the actual vertical expansion of the road due to freezing, creating dramatic trenches and humps). These signs are more or less put up randomly, no particular relation to the actual location of frost heaves. They just want you to know, they know the heaves are coming to get ya!
You still had me at Tyvek!
ReplyDeleteI love NH.
ReplyDeleteWithout sales tax or income tax, NH *still* has better roads than "Taxachusetts" and the people are mostly friendly. Having lived in Cincinnati for 7 years prior to moving to NH, it was like moving from a repressive hate state to a land of milk and honey. There's a reason why Cincy has race riots and the Klan is till active there.
Plus NH is stunningly beautiful. In the Autumn of 2004, the leaves were so unbelievably gorgeous that I thought I would pass out from the sheer magnificence. Even a "bad" leaf-peeping year is still amazingly lovely compared to every other state I've been to outside of New England.
NH has a strict "no billboards" policy along the interstates, which contributes to the loveliness of the scenery. Whenever I'm forced to venture into Massachusetts or Maine -- or worse, NY, PA and OH -- it's like descending into a grubby, greedy, polluted eyesore.
Neither Cincinnati nor Boston labels their cross streets much, either, which is especially bad in Cincinnati because the street names often change EVERY SINGLE BLOCK. Talk about getting lost.
For the few deficits of NH, I'll gladly accept them for all the magnificent benefits. It's the best place I've ever lived.
I agree, completely ... you shouldn't live in NH.
ReplyDeleteMe? I'm trying to arrange my life to actually move back. To each his own.
Oh, and uh, Live Free or Die (Hah!)
You're a fucking idiot. Boston isn't in New Hampshire, and midwest is all the fucking same unless it's Chicago. Everything you pointed out, is called character. Not everything in the world is going to be the same, it's called culture, and it's something most people value and enjoy discovering. If you don't want to deal with learning about something new, stay the fuck in your house.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous - I have no idea how to respond to a merit based argument built on content. Good for you.
ReplyDeleteAdam - that's actually pretty funny. Touche.
Ambassador oliver,
I too am exceedingly comfortable being a raging hypocrite. Thanks for the enlightening geography lesson and riveting dismissal of 12 identical / characterless / cultureless states (except Chicago – Thanks Oprah!). You’re the perfect champion for NH culture.
By 'signage', do you mean 'signs'?
ReplyDelete(Assuming and hoping for an upcoming punch line, he answers) Yes.
ReplyDeleteI have had the misfortune of visiting NH and other parts of new england on business several times. I have to say I can't agree more with these posts. In my work as a travelling consultant I've been to just about every part of the country, and this is the place I dread visiting most, although Ohio and Long Island come a close second. If you have only lived in those places, try anywhere else. Hell, I grew up in the northern midwest, so I am familiar with the cold tundra of winter there, but I find the winters in New England to be much worse even than winters in northern North Dakota. But hey, you can't damn a place for being cold in winter, there are great places to live that get cold, so that isn't the root of the problem. Its almost as if New England has a lot of the worst aspects of southern culture, without all the good aspects. I won't go into details of my experiences, but lets just say people are a bit more close-minded and obtuse than I'm used to, and that is putting it mildly. Plus, you can't understand half of what comes out of peoples mouths there. Its like trying to speak to a damn toddler, which makes business meetings precarious at best, and down-right embarrassing at worst. Also, I've lost count of how many times I've gotten lost there, and believe me, I am a freaking walking mapquest and I never get lost in other cities(part of the travelling consultant job). For some reason, New England roads elude me. One huge topic you completely left out is the restaurants in New Hampshire. The food here is terrible. A lot of greasy BAD italian and fast food, thats about it. This becomes a major problem when eating out is your only option. I often find myself opting for a bag of pretzels from the grocery store over going to another salty-greasy plate of overcooked spaghetti and sausage(which is on everything). And one more thing, dunkin donuts coffee is disgusting!
ReplyDeleteI
Ha Ha Ha! These are hilarious!
ReplyDeleteLast year I got job in Boston, and my wife and I moved from the midwest to Southern NH. I Can't say that I dislike NH as much as the author, but some of the things he says are so true.
I've lived in the Southwest, East, Midwest and overseas, and by far the roads around here and in Mass. are the wackiest I've ever driven.
Oh well... more life experiences that I can talk to my grandkids about one day...