This is not a testFOUL BALLS – Part 2
Heads Up! – I had the pleasure this season of catching a game from seats not far off of 1st base. It was clearly a section where the signs warning to beware of batted balls seriously applied. In one of those “God has a sense of humor” moments, a patron entered late, sat down about 4 rows ahead of me, and while not watching the game started piddling with his fresh pretzel and beer. Like the conclusion of every America’s Funniest Home Video I’ve ever seen, the next ball loops into my section and thumped home on his lap. From my vantage point, all I saw was beer flying, but moments later my section mates and I learned his twins had temporarily become triplets. This was the quintessential “foul ball” that the dude managed to catch with his pills, and it just sat there. No rebound, nobody diving under the seats. Happily, for the price of a couple of distressed gonads and a beer, he got the souvenir, a bag of ice, and a memorable lesson. Watch the game! They don’t issue helmets and cups for fans. Regardless of how it plays on Youtube, there’s nothing more sobering than watching a fellow fan get wheeled out on a stretcher.
There's a chorus you hear at the park over and over again. Here! Here! Here! Not only is it beyond obnoxious, this symphony of whiny voices reminds me of the idiot seagulls from Finding Nemo – “Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine.” As an adult, you just can’t go begging the ball girl for the slow grounder she just cleared from the field. It’s not quite John Wayne suave to tell your bros about how you caught a discarded ball over the 12-year old a row in front of you. And you sure as hell don’t need to be begging for the ball with the seagull kids. Matter of fact - you even lose credibility by association if it’s your 12-year old kid begging. Maybe teach the kid to have a modicum of personal pride? For the ball girls/dudes of the world, I propose a reward system based less off of persistence and more off of merit. Give the foul ball to the kid sitting in the cheap seats shouting stats, while wearing a home jersey or cap.
It’s great to bring your glove. That’s a gamer move. But unless you're 4 years old or intend to get an autograph, make sure you’re not sitting 700 feet away. That’s amateur hour.
If you’re not at Wrigley Field, don’t bother throwing a homerun ball back. Keep the damn souvenir or hand it off to a fan and don’t interrupt the game.
No comments:
Post a Comment