HOORAY FOR ME
Mike Krukow (brilliant Giants broadcaster and former pitcher) once colorfully described ballpark umbrella usage with the phrase, “Hooray for me.” I couldn’t agree more. I’m happy for you to stay dry, but unless you happen to own an invisible umbrella wouldn’t it also be nice to let the folks behind you watch the game? If you need to stay dry that badly, just drag your selfish ass to the concourse. Get a pretzel, a beer and casually talk on your cell phone for 3 or 4 innings. Yes, you might miss some action (as if you were watching). But better you than the gamer behind you sporting a team poncho.
It’s the same principle when holding up a sign or wearing some type of stupid-ass tall hat. And don’t think for a minute I’m fooled into believing that sign you awkwardly inserted ESPN into (sEnd the Sox Party Nuts!) is about supporting your team. It’s about you getting on TV. Consider, at least for a moment, developing some modicum of empathy for your fellow man. You know – Golden Rule type stuff. And just for clarity, here’s how that works – when at the park, would you prefer to see the game, or have a big wall dropped in front of you? If your answer is you’d like to see the field, then don’t put a huge sign in someone else’s face.
Finally, inflated or not it’s your choice, you can shove that beachball up your ass. I’m a huge proponent of growing the game by putting butts in the seats, but here’s a clue. If you’re leaving home thinking to yourself, “gosh, how can I spice up the ballgame” and the answer you come up with is – beachball. Then, maybe you don’t need to go to the game. Go to the beach dumbass! Yes, Dodger fan, if you look in the general direction of that grassy surface that your seat is facing, you’ll notice a bunch of dudes wearing uniforms. That’s the entertainment. That’s why people go to games, with the primary purpose of…(wait for it)…WATCHING THE GAME! Give it a try Dodger fan. Instead of the comedic view of your head bobbing up and down while following the beachball, maybe glance out at that left fielder with the pretty hair. You might see a baseball bounce off his head and over the fence. Now that’s entertainment.
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