Car Stereotypes 4

LARGE PICKUP

You may not hunt, but you think gun racks are dreamy. You preach loudly that there are only two types of music – country and western, but you have a hidden preset for hip hop that you play when nobody else is around. You bitch about “them damn A-rabs,” but spend half your paycheck on gas and have never quite recognized the contradiction. You have either forwarded an email or quoted Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, or Michelle Malkin, and have used the term “myth” in combination with the terms “recycling” and “global warming.” You’re a little worried that Al Gore might be the Anti-Christ. You may not remember what the hell movie(s) he was in, but you proudly claim NRA champion Charleton Heston as one of your all time hero’s, and when you gingerly wash your beloved beast, you take special time to clear the beer cans out of the bed and chew stains from the outside of your door. You have either bought or rigged ramps to pull your “hog” or 4-wheeler into the bed, and you have your eye on that special tow hitch package with the slightly vulgar, dangling tow balls. You know what a potato gun is, and you don’t mind so much when occasionally the bull wins.


SMALL / MEDIUM AND WORK PICKUP

You are clearly in it for the functionality. Congratulations, because pride did not overcome practical. The truck is probably not your primary car, and you bitch a lot about people constantly asking you to help them move. By the way, you do help, nearly every time. You are conscious to heap extra weight in the bed for ballast in the winter, and you think the truck is equally handy when you hit the grocery store or the links. You know your way around landscaping, and have been recruited to transport lawn equipment, sod, rock, or other assorted landscaping materials more than once.


LOWERED TRUCK

Either you think you’re going to get a walk on roll in a NASCAR truck event, or you tried to pimp this ride. I won’t spoil the forthcoming segment on pimped rides, but for this specific sub-segment, I’ll fill you guys in on a little secret. Rednecks everywhere think there’s a special place in hell for you.