ACQUIRED TASTES – Part 4 of 4

I’m no expert (on much of anything), but I think Darwin, or some relevant scientist, would explain distasteful things as natures warning to stay away. Therefore, acquiring a taste is contrary to my assumptions of the function of poisons and natural selection and such. But, to hell with Darwin! Perhaps it’s human nature to acquire tastes after all. Somehow we opt to overcome distasteful things if the payoff is good enough.

Many say coffee is worth it. Excessive caffeine tends to make me sick to my stomach, not super awake or alert. I doubt I’ll ever agree, but that’s just me. I get beer – there’s a buzz or mellowing. What’s still befuddles me is the existence of acquired taste people. We’ve all known them. There’s one in every crowd.

Here I’ll label these acquired taste folks – assholes. And, I don’t just loosely use the terminology because it’s a charming vulgarity (although that’s usually reason enough for me). In addition, I think the term asshole evokes appropriate imagery, while incorporating multiple senses – sight, smell, perhaps touch, taste??? (Ewwww). I could take the analogy further by expanding on how they spew shit and so on, but I think you get the idea.

We could debate valid excuses for being an asshole - difficult circumstance, temporary insanity. I was drunk. I haven’t had my coffee yet. I’m not a morning person. I’m having my period. These explanations in essence are suggesting, “Catch me later, when I won’t suck.” Perhaps that’s true for most. But, there are full time assholes where no dose of caffeine, sleep or beer will diminish their assholeness.

Love or hate Mr. Bonds, this guy is a world renowned acquired taste.

I think forgiveness is great. Sure you can give a break, because we’ve all had our bad days. But I’m not sure what justifies acquiring the taste for an asshole, unless perhaps if it’s family. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not advocating the total elimination of acquired tastes. Clearly coffee, beer and assholes are inextricably woven into the fabric of our society. They provide some necessary texture. In fact, acquired tastes lower the bar for everything else. After a mouthful of coffee, water to me seems like a cold glass of sex.

I have to conclude, like it or not, acquired tastes will persist. Just pardon me if failing to “beat ‘em” I don’t concede to simply “join ‘em.” You’ll catch me gravitating toward Norm and places where “everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad I came.”