CRAIGSLIST EXPOSED 4

At the offices of ADNW, we are a bit embarrassed to admit a recent fixation on Craigslist. But, it’s not what you think. Craigslist is a fascinating world, where the veil of anonymity allows people to say and ask for all kinds of crazy crap. The grammar is rarely eloquent and the verbiage is frequently cryptic. But you’re in luck, our team at ADNW has cracked the craigslist code. This series is a sampling of a few favorites, accompanied by our official ADNW translation. Names and places have been changed or deleted to protect the not so innocent.

Wanted: Shirt - size is important

IPhone 4 Mirrored Screen Protector

I have a bunch of extra screen protectors for IPhone 4. These are the mirrored ones that make your phone look like a mirror when the screen is off. This screen protector is good if you've bought a case for your phone but still are in danger of scratching the screen. Overall the protector works pretty well. It has this mirror finish to it, so it makes the screen a little harder to read in bright sunlight, but just as well indoors. You can offset that a little bit by turning up the brightness on your phone.

Anyway, I'm happy to give you one as I got a bunch of extras in the mail and I probably only need 1 extra, not a whole bunch. I'm at the Henderson's Wharf just down the street from the Red Star. Don't go too far out of your way for these, they're only $1 or $3 on ebay.

Cheers, Mike

TRANSLATION

I am so fucking lonely. I named a spider that lives in my bathroom, but he isn’t much of a conversationalist. I frequently stroll through bad neighborhoods hoping somebody will kick my ass or something, just to prove I’m alive. Wanna hang out? Anybody? Is this thing on?

unisex baby swing

In good WORKING condition.
Great for someone in need.
We just moved and in the move our sons swing lost some pieces.
The bottom front right piece (see pic 1) is missing.
Im not sure what it was used for, it does not keep it level.
Also the toys on the tray are missing.(pic2)
It still works great. It has 6 swing levels and plays music.
I would tie a swring across the top and hang toys down for him.
Its free!

TRANSLATION

The garbage truck won’t take my broken baby swing. Dicks. I thought maybe I’d have a go at this craigslist thing. People start slobbering when you use the word free, so what the hell, right? Look, I’m telling you up front that it’s crap, so don’t just show up and leave without getting it the hell out of here. You came all the way this way, may as well take it. Drop if off at the dump, maybe?

FREE 24" Box window fan and rat

Let me start by saying the rat is dead...

So, for the last two days I have been dealing with the dead rat smell. I have torn cupboards apart, bleached sinks kept no dirty dishes, and not gone to bed with trash in my little studio and still couldn't find the source of the smell. Tonight I came home and jokingly thought maybe the damn fan died, even started blaming my landlord. Lo and behold, upon closer inspection, I realized that some chunky bastard had managed to get caught in the fan. As a fat chick I am accustomed to sticky situations, tight squeezes and the occassional cramped quarters; but as to how this fat bastard managed to squeeze through and more importantly what drove him to even attempt it.

I smell a bet gone horribly wrong...get it, smell? Ok whatever.

The fan though dirty is fairly new and was purchased at the Chase street Rite Aid less than four months ago, the rat looks pretty young too. So if you feel like unscrewing the cover you've got yourself a fairly new fan and a seriously dead mouse. I'd really hate to throw out a perfectly good and new albeit stinky fan. Drop me a line if interested .

Cheers,
Sheena.

TRANSLATION

Wow. NO punch line could improve this one. Bravo “fat chick.” Bravo.

Nice hangers

Plastic hangers assorted colors but all in good shape. redoing closet and bought new ones. Probably have 30-40 and hate to just throw them out. XXX-XXX-XXXX

TRANSLATION

I hoard shit. I’m pretty sure I haven’t thrown anything away since 1988 (which strangely coincides with my last date). By “redoing my closet”, I mean I have abandoned the hope of actually trying to hang stuff up in there. Matter of fact, I’m probably just going to donate that room to the rats and roaches. SAVE ME!

Exploration, eroticism, no sex, cool stories

Again, NONE of these include sex.

This is more about eroticism and sensory than anything else.

Among other arts, I am a writer who often writes outside of the lines. Often I will experience circumstances that I write about, sometimes several times, and use these collective experiences in my work. I like to expereince some of the situations that my characters do. It is not so much the interactions of a single experience, but a weaving together of many experiences. NONE of these include sex.

One novel I am working on as well as a collection of short stories have situations based on sets of interactions designed to highten awareness of the senses through various means. I am willing to pay for a female to take on the rolls and to give me feedback after we are done with the "sets" or expereinces. Another work is a collection of stories based upon a "game" of sorts.

If you reply, comment on why would you be interested in trying something so unusal.

Again, NONE of these include sex.

TRANSLATION

Obviously I use the term “writer” liberally. I submit a lot of stuff to Penthouse Forum. Unfortunately, they stopped returning my calls, taking my letters, and there is a restraining order involved. But, none of that stuff is important. What I really want is to get with an anatomically correct woman with a heartbeat. And, I would sincerely love to stick my pecker in you, but I haven’t popped wood since the first Bush administration. Viagra is an option, but it sort of conflicts with some other, ummm let’s call it “medication”, that I’m on. But what I’m really about is torture, anyway. I have this “game” I like to play, called “How long can you hold your breath underwater in my bathtub?” So, hit me up if you're into something very memorable!