CRAIGSLIST EXPOSED 3

At the offices of ADNW, we are a bit embarrassed to admit a recent fixation on Craigslist. But, it’s not what you think. Craigslist is a fascinating world, where the veil of anonymity allows people to say and ask for all kinds of crazy crap. The grammar is rarely eloquent and the verbiage is frequently cryptic. But you’re in luck, our team at ADNW has cracked the craigslist code. This series is a sampling of a few favorites, accompanied by our official ADNW translation. Names and places have been changed or deleted to protect the not so innocent.

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Nintendo 64 with 12 games and football cards

Nintendo 64 with 12 games
Hey you : Pikachu, Super Smash Bros., Mario Kart 64, Pokemon Stadium, Army Men, Sarge's Heroes, Mario Party 3, Kirby 64: the crystal shards, Wrestlemania 2000, Tony Hawks Pro Skater, WF Attitude, Mortal Kombat 4, and WCW vs NWO
2 controllers (grey and purple), memory card, gameshark pro, ereader, and tremorpak plus. The system and games work.

I also have a box full of football cards.

I will consider trade, or your best cash offer. Am interested in getting an itouch but other offers considered.

TRANSLATION

Remember the movie, “40 Year Old Virgin?” Yeah, I’m living it. Unfortunately, I still live with my mom, who is really getting on my nerves, because she won’t buy me any new crap. So in an effort to become more independent, I’ve branched out into various profitable enterprises –

1) Trading stuff on craigslist.

2) Trying to capture that damn leprechaun at the end of the rainbow.

3) Metal detecting. (Hey, bite me! I’m no amateur. I got a certification and shit.)

Female vocalist wants to start Hendrix tribute band

Hey,
I'm a female vocalist that wants to start a Hendrix tribute/cover band. I'm open to other artists too, but mostly Hendrix. I have a practice space at my house, and equipment(PA/mixer/etc).
I'm looking to play clubs, and festivals no more than three times a month. So, if your interested drop me a line.
xoxoxo-Jessi

TRANSLATION

Hendrix wasn’t exactly known for his vocals, and you sure as hell won’t be impressed with mine. I do know the lyrics to about 4 Hendrix songs and have an impressively husky voice, thanks to a few thousand Marlboro Reds and a love affair with Jim Beam. One minor catch, I don’t know shit about playing guitar (this is where I hope you come in), but I do have a bitchin’ karaoke machine.

xoxoxox = I’ll give you a blowjob if you play your cards right.

FREE bag of hair and body products

FRE Ebag of hair products like leav ein conditoner - blow dry stuff- Olay samples, things like that
free proch pick up email me for details
or day to do dorrstep pick up

TRANSLATION

Yeah, that’s right. In the subject line, I said a “free bag of hair.” You probably think that was an accident given my ridiculously poor grammar. Nope. I actually have a bag of human hair, partially collected from myself (you figure out from which parts), and partially from the last dumbass that came stumbling up to my porch trying to collect a bag of free gargabe. We had such a good time together, that I’m thinking of a repeat performance. So if you wanna hang out for a couple months in my dungeon, drop by!

bs/gs

hi we are an interracial couple looking for a white female to give us a gs/bs that is all you would have to do is to come golden shower and poop on us.

serious inquires only

serious in the subject line

TRANSLATION

I don’t know what bs/gs means, and I refuse to google it. But, God bless America. These degenerates used the word “serious” twice in a post that said, “poop on us.”