Life through a different lens

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

CRAIGSLIST EXPOSED 5

At the offices of ADNW, we are a bit embarrassed to admit a recent fixation on Craigslist. But, it’s not what you think. Craigslist is a fascinating world, where the veil of anonymity allows people to say and ask for all kinds of crazy crap. The grammar is rarely eloquent and the verbiage is frequently cryptic. But you’re in luck, our team at ADNW has cracked the craigslist code. This series is a sampling of a few favorites, accompanied by our official ADNW translation. Names and places have been changed or deleted to protect the not so innocent.
Available to good home - gently used mega-condom

small to medium doggie clothes

WILL ONLY RESPOND TO NAME AND NUMBER TO ARRANGE PORCH PICK UP THANKS. these are to big for my 8 pound malteese so i would call them medium also some bandannas and a halloween costume

TRANSLATION

My dog killed himself after I made him wear all this stupid shit. Can’t bring myself to throw it away. Wanna try your luck?

duck sauce

Good evening to you all,
I have 5, 472 packets of E. Ping kosher duck sauce. This is the type that comes in your chinese take-out but far classier. Please come pick it up, I want to give it to a kind and loving home. they go bad September 10th, so come and get it! They are in comercial packaging for easy transport. Serious inquiries only.

TRANSLATION

I spent the last 6 months stealing every last duck sauce packet in the county. And now I kind of feel bad about it. So Mr. Lee, I’m sorry for kicking you in the nuts while fleeing your restaurant. If I give back your box of condiments, will you drop the charges?

Free - Weider weight machine

I bought this workout machine for my wife. As usual her motivation is slim to none and it isnt being used..call her and discuss this with her...ask for Karen xxx-xxx-xxxx

I would post a picture but I've done enough just buying and hauling it for her

TRANSLATION

This exercise machine was my generous fifth anniversary present to my wife. And she got all bitchy about it! She thought it was my way of calling her a fat slob. Figures – she got all bent about the new ironing board, and vacuum I bought her last couple birthdays too. Ungrateful bitch.

Free - tv

wife hates tv call her Karen xxx-xxx-xxxx

TRANSLATION

Yeah, me again. So the bitch tells me I watch too much TV! Well F--- her. She can listen to the sound of my ulcers growing while she cruises facebook every friggin night for 12 hours!

Please call her. She’s going to be so pissed. Maybe she’ll die of a heart attack and save me the time and expense of a divorce.

Watch A Live Performance

Young Black Couple invites spectators and participants

TRANSLATION

Calling all desperate and pasty, 45-year old fat guys! Depending on our mood, we might actually begin the sex show before mugging you. Given the pictures we’ll be taking, we know you’d never have the balls (pun intended) to file a police report on this scam. Thanks in advance for your discrete donations to our party fund.

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