CRAIGSLIST EXPOSED 2

At the offices of ADNW, we are a bit embarrassed to admit a recent fixation on Craigslist. But, it’s not what you think. Craigslist is a fascinating world, where the veil of anonymity allows people to say and ask for all kinds of crazy crap. The grammar is rarely eloquent and the verbiage is frequently cryptic. But you’re in luck, our team at ADNW has cracked the craigslist code. This series is a sampling of a few favorites, accompanied by our official ADNW translation. Names and places have been changed or deleted to protect the not so innocent.

Nude female models $400

I'm in need of a few models for video and stills of public nudity and masturbation.
Will be in XXXX and surrounding area.
Pay will be up to 200-400 depending on the nature of the shoot agreed on and will last
about 2 hours. Please respond with pics, information about yourself and your schedule. Look forward to talking

TRANSLATION

Ummmm- okay, not so much translation as much as commentary. Really? It’s a damn good thing craigslist wasn’t around when I was 16.

CAR RENTAL - $150

HELLO,
I AM CURRENTLY LOOKING FOR A CAR TO RENT FROM SOMEONE FOR THE WEEKEND OF AUGUST 20-22
I WANT TO TRAVEL TO NEW JERSEY FOR THE WEEKEND.
I AM 19 YEARS OLD AND VERY RESPONSIBLE
I CANT RENT FROM A RENTAL CAR PLACE BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO BE 21 OR OLDER TO RENT
I AM WILLING TO GIVE YOU 150 FOR THE WEEKEND.
TRUST- I AM WILLING TO SIGN A CONTRACT AND LET YOU SEE MY ID SO YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE INFORMATION YOU NEED IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO THE CAR OR DAMAGES BUT I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT ANYTHING WILL HAPPEN SINCE I HAD MY LICENSE FOR TWO YEARS AND NEVER GOT IN A SINGLE ACCIDENT.
EMAIL ME AT xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TRANSLATION

Can you believe that these SOB car rental bitches won’t rent me a car? My experience includes driving hundreds of miles and for 10’s of days. AND, I have personally survived over 12 car accidents (some of which were NOT my fault!), which takes serious skills. Of course, at this point none of my friends or family will even let me ride in the back seat of their car, much less borrow one for the weekend, necessitating this ridiculous and desperate request. Here’s the deal – I give you $150 to hand over your $10,000 ride and you clinch your butt cheeks for 72 hours until you give up and report the car stolen.

So, hit me back at Igonnafuckupyoride@dumbass.com

HOLY SHIT IT'S A TAPE MEASURE!

Holy hairy monkey testicles, what wouldn't you give to get your mangy paws on one of these?!

- Fucker is 12 feet long, and wider than my cock! It'll stretch into fucking forever or some shit!
- It's made of some kind of fucking shiny plastic. It'll blind your goddamn enemies!
- It's called the Fractionier, like it's some kind of fucking superhero!
- It's made in Taiwan. every time you use it, you're sticking it to those commie sons of bitches on the mainland! Fuck Yeah!

Make me an offer for it, if you fucking DARE!

TRANSLATION

Found this gem in the barter section. What am I going to add? This dude is funny.

my handyman skill for massage from female

hello iam a handyman can do alot of differeant trades home improvment skills electrical plumbing hvac what iam loking for in trade is a massage from a female no games no drama if this interest you please email me

TRANSLATION

Yes ladies, I’m that stereotypical plumber guy with my ass crack hanging out the back of my pants. Yes, I’m familiar with all things sewage, and yes, I have the smell to match (you decide if it’s hygiene or occupational hazard). But here’s the thing – I have certain fetishes, and I don’t have the cash (because frankly, I kind of suck at what I do) to drop on a pro. Don’t really care what you look like, because I’m kind of desperate and am willing to wear a bag over my head for your sake and mine. Holla!