Businesses have assorted justifications for work cubicles – brainstorm area, space savings, inexpensive production, social accountability, etc. Physically, the cube is a slightly modified version of an elementary school desk. And this description comfortably fits the hierarchical intent and ensuing behavior. The cube dwellers are the incorrigible third graders, and the neighboring office dwellers are the real adults. Born from the careful observations of a novice cube dweller, this series is an attempt to identify the complex rules of the cubicle jungle. Don’t be alarmed if some rules seem contradictory.
26) If you absolutely must work on Friday, it’s time to take the gloves off. Go ahead and openly gossip about boys, girls, dating, or whatever random crap comes to mind. And, don’t spare the volume for your lengthy conversation about body shots, recreational drug use, and getting hammered. The more likely your cubicle neighbors are to blush, the better.
27) When you bother to begin a conversation with professional content, it is expected you will progress into gossip and opinions of reality show contestants. Don’t guard your volume either. The professional opening qualifies the entirety of the interaction as not throwing the lack of productivity in your boss’s teeth.
28) Phone intensive work is the lowest of all job duties and therefore it is not necessary nor encouraged to actually have any particular phone skills. Awkward introductions, poorly constructed discussion, no actual knowledge of the topic, and failing to say goodbye is standard practice.
29) As long as a lengthy phone conversation is accompanied only by quiet laughter, everyone will agree to pretend it’s work related. Furthermore, you won’t be judged when you conclude with, “I love you too!”
30) If you feel obligated to act slightly surreptitious with your personal conversations, texting is a brilliant option. Everyone will pretend nothing is happening when your phone audibly vibrates every 17 seconds.
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