Wisdom from the Cubicle Jungle - 5

Businesses have assorted justifications for work cubicles – brainstorm area, space savings, inexpensive production, social accountability, etc. Physically, the cube is a slightly modified version of an elementary school desk. And this description comfortably fits the hierarchical intent and ensuing behavior. The cube dwellers are the incorrigible third graders, and the neighboring office dwellers are the real adults. Born from the careful observations of a novice cube dweller, this series is an attempt to identify the complex rules of the cubicle jungle. Don’t be alarmed if some rules seem contradictory.

21) You’ll only miss the constant droning of the jungle loudmouth on a day when you’re audibly gassy.

22) The appropriate timeframe for cubicle junglemates to transition from first introduction into personal conversation (breakups, job dissatisfaction) is as long as it takes to execute that first introduction.

23) If forced to engage in phone conversation, you should indicate your impatience with the caller by inserting repeated “mm-hmm” filler at a staccato pace. If your tone of voice hasn’t already tipped the caller off that you’re bored with them, this will help.

24) After having an overly contentious phone conversation, it is acceptable to immediately repeat that conversation to a neighboring cube dweller - bonus points for adding minor embellishments and speaking at the same volume.

25) When your supervisor closes his/her paper-thin office door for a private conversation, that’s a cue to listen more intently.