Douchebag 101 - Lesson 2

At ADNW, we believe the World is full of aspiring douchebags. Whether due to a foul mood, illness, habit, or simply for sport, everyone engages in a little douchebaggery now and again. [Douchebaggery (n) – the deliberate or unintentional act of behaving like a douchebag.] Most of us will apologize or at least feel badly about ill behavior in retrospect. But for those of you douchebags aspiring to go pro, ADNW has some lessons to help you on your journey. Best of luck – Douchebag!

6 - Park your car in multiple spots. To hell with parking your Dodge “Compensate4sumthin” at the back of the parking lot, you need to leave your car close enough for everyone to see how pretty it is…while parked in 4 spots they could have really used.

7 - Text and walk/drive. This activity cleverly combines general environmental inattention with an inappropriate focal point. At best, this is a recipe for inconveniencing those irrelevant sheep around you. At worst, it’s a genuine danger.

8 - Stand in an entry/exit/doorway. It doesn’t matter the place, just be certain to idle in the center of a choke point, where a large volume of traffic passes, or in your case, are attempting to pass. Bonus points if it’s a safety hazard, such as at the top of an escalator.

9 - Own an Audi. (For context, see Car Stereotypes.)

10 - Liberally use phrases like – “I’m only going to explain this one time,” or “Listen,” or “Look,” or other assorted filler. It’s best to put the audience in their place before making your statement.