26 - Tailgate – I once had an inexperienced friend who described the proper distance for following as, “It’s okay if you can see their tires.” Which to be fair would be true if you’re driving The Concord (the now defunct supersonic passenger jet with infamously difficult pilot visibility – just google a picture if you’re still not with me). But tailgating is a quintessential weapon in the douchebag arsenal. Not only do you cause immense discomfort to the victim, but you easily put anyone else in the vicinity in mortal peril.
27 - Cut them off – Make aggressive swerves into other lanes, preferably with little warning and in close proximity to other cars. If the other driver doesn’t have to brake for you, then you’re just not trying hard enough. Masters of the cut-off actually tend to make the other driver swerve, brake and fear for their lives.
28 – Crash the Crosswalk – Forget slowing down or stopping, when you see pedestrians attempting to cross the street, it’s time to accelerate. You don’t simply want them to confuse your intention as thoughtless, or inattentive. It’s important to leave them with a dose of terror as they dive for safety.
29 - Turn the radio up – You might not be close enough on the highway to make an impact, but when you’re on residential streets, school zones, and drive thrus, it’s time to pump it up. Don’t go for ABBA either. You need to inflict something crude on the community.
30 – Honk persistently – Don’t just share a reserved toot when the guy in front of you misses the light change to green. You need to get on the horn and wear that bastard out. Furthermore, only amateurs pause for cause. Just start honking the moment you think there’s a chance something is amiss. Hell, just honk to be irritating if nothing else provokes you.
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