SHOCKING CELEBRITY GOSSIP 7

ADNW welcomes you to the 7th issue of Shocking Celebrity Gossip! We're bold enough to bring you the stuff that celebrities bribe tabloids and news outlets not to tell you. Enjoy!

We have been advised by counsel that due to a preponderance of morons, we should post this disclaimer: The following information may not necessarily be based upon fact, nor is it exclusively regarding actual celebrities.
PS – suck it Perez Hilton.

Oprah - has a stand in?

Many critics have voraciously panned Oprah’s 2009 version of the Thulsa Doom hairstyle. (Of course, Thulsa Doom is James Earl Jones character from Conan The Barbarian). Come to your own conclusion, but these same detractors have even dared to visit the realm of conspiracy theory. They report that the similarity is more than coincidence and that in fact Oprah has used actor James Earl Jones as a surreptitious stand-in. Evidence cited by these Oprah “connoisseurs” includes physical resemblance, alleged editing magic, and financial realities.

The suggestion of physical resemblance borders on malicious, as they indicate a heavier Oprah has a remarkably similar body and facial structure. Oprah proponents have fired back claiming this assertion is synonymous with a “they all look alike” statement, which is evidence only of blatant bigotry.

The undeterred conspiracy theorists then indicate editing magic. Clearly Hollywood has mastered the art of the makeover, and certainly Oprah’s people are privy to these techniques. It’s doubtful, however, that there’s enough pancake makeup in the Windy City to transform the elder Jones into Winfrey. But, the theorist’s weakly counter this shortcoming by citing advances in post-production editing technology. Furthermore, given Oprah’s relatively deeper voice, they point out that only a very plausible vocal edit is necessary. A particularly troubling weakness in these assertions is the live audience. Conspiracy theorists wave off this concern by insisting that Oprah’s followers are so blind to reality, that they’d believe Tom Cruise was Oprah if he walked onto stage and sat confidently in her seat.

Conspiracy theorists arguably have an Anti-Oprah agenda. However, perhaps the one truly compelling argument for some type of replacement Oprah is the financial stature of the mega-star. She obviously doesn’t need to make another dime from live talk-show appearances. The show is only a vehicle to continually reinforce her moneymaking brand name. (And clearly, the use of guest hosts has been irreparably damaged by Joan Rivers doing The Tonight Show in place of Johnny Carson). It would be no great surprise for Oprah to take advantage of her mega-wealth by inventing some covert time off now and again. It’s questionable, though, that James Earl Jones has any part in that.

Oprah photo thanks to huffingtonpost.com
James Earl Jones photo thanks to thecimmerian.com

SHOCKING CELEBRITY GOSSIP 6

ADNW welcomes you to the 6th issue of Shocking Celebrity Gossip! We're bold enough to bring you the stuff that celebrities bribe tabloids and news outlets not to tell you. Enjoy!

We have been advised by counsel that due to a preponderance of morons, we should post this disclaimer: The following information may not necessarily be based upon fact, nor is it exclusively regarding actual celebrities.
PS – suck it Perez Hilton.

Sylvester Stallone – has a super sized head. Granted, it’s obvious by looking at him that his melon is freakishly disproportionate. Thanks to some occasional cinematic magic (lens work, angles, editing), his cranium size becomes less apparent in the movies, as any fan of Patrick Swayze and Mel Gibson will note. However, it’s genuinely surprising just how gargantuan it actually is. For frame of reference, the hat (fedora style) he wore in Rocky actually had to be specially crafted from the material of two regular sized hats. And although the point may be viewed by some as a source of amusement, this actuality is a mounting health concern for Stallone. Part of the reason he bulked up prior to the Rocky and Rambo movies was so his frame would better support his extraordinarily bulky noggin. And as Stallone ages, it is becoming increasingly difficult for him to support it independently. Consequently, he is wracked with bouts of severe neck and spinal pain. Since his growing dependence on neck braces limits his public exposure, his manager is currently soliciting innovative neck brace designs from a diverse field of contenders, ranging from NASA to Under Armour. In coming years, look for some light and surprisingly fashionable neck support to be released to the public.

image thanks to hitdawall.wordpress.com

SHOCKING CELEBRITY GOSSIP 5

ADNW welcomes you to the 5th issue of Shocking Celebrity Gossip! We're bold enough to bring you the stuff that celebrities bribe tabloids and news outlets not to tell you. Enjoy!

We have been advised by counsel that due to a preponderance of morons, we should post this disclaimer: The following information may not necessarily be based upon fact, nor is it exclusively regarding the celebrities you are familiar with.
PS – suck it Perez Hilton.

Spencer and Heidi Pratt (Speidi) are the next Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. They may convincingly portray themselves as villains on "The Hills" and "I am a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here," but Spencer (real name Wellington Brock Howard III) and Heidi (real name Brandi Missy Malone) are the next great dance duo, since Fred and Ginger. Wellington, who really grew up in Nantucket, MA, won dance contests since he was 4. A family member who spoke on the condition of anonymity shared this, "While other kids were playing and watching sports, we couldn't get Wellington away from the tube. He’d watch Wizard of Oz, Fame, and Footloose hour after hour. That is how passionate he is about dancing." Heidi grew up in West Virginia and came from a different road. Raised in a trailer park, her daddy worked the coalmines. She overcame a rough childhood (which cruelly included chores) to become the talent we see today. The pair is genuinely in love and this amazing team craves the spotlight. Heidi who was a little shaken up, shared this off the record, "Damn it! All I want to do is dance and they just give me these crappy roles." You have to love this passion.

picture thanks to hollywoodgossip.com
props to Weinstein for the contribution

SHOCKING CELEBRITY GOSSIP 4

ADNW welcomes you to the 4th issue of Shocking Celebrity Gossip! We're bold enough to bring you the stuff that celebrities bribe tabloids and news outlets not to tell you. Enjoy!

We have been advised by counsel that due to a preponderance of morons, we should post this disclaimer: The following information may not necessarily be based upon fact, nor is it exclusively regarding the celebrities you are familiar with.
PS – suck it Perez Hilton.

Ryan Seacrest - had his name changed from Ryan C. Cleft at age 10, when his family moved to LA from Fresno, where he suffered constant beatings at the hands of neighborhood girls. At the age of 17, he was discovered as a DJ at LA hot spot “The Knuckle Strobe,” after a break-dance off with Ricky Martin, who later referred Ryan to his agent. Although he may look short on television, by Hollywood standards he’s a statuesque 4’11. Interestingly, he has never envied taller people and actually has been known on occasion to wish aloud that he were born smaller (due to reasons that will become apparent in a moment). Ryan has an extensive Barbie Doll collection, which he displays proudly in his lavish home. He bids heavily on acquiring all things Barbie (via auctions, flea markets, websites) to feed his addiction. At all times, Seacrest is known to carry some type of Barbie trophy (item of clothing, toy, or accessory). This also explains his look. A well-known celebrity psychologist let it slip that Seacrest has a Ken Doll fixation and believes that Barbie is his ideal mate. His personal wardrobe perfectly reflects the Ken look, and he even keeps himself completely hairless below the neck (partially due to genetics, partially from laser treatment). His obsession even goes as far as to frequently make himself appear anatomically incorrect with some inventive tucking, taping, and bandaging. Furthermore, he stalks the Barbie-esque Jessica Simpson religiously. He follows her from show to show, into clubs, bathrooms, and appointments. Fortunately, she finds it cute, because he appears relatively unthreatening compared to most standard sized people.

image via NNDB.com

SHOCKING CELEBRITY GOSSIP 3

ADNW welcomes you to the 3rd issue of Shocking Celebrity Gossip! We're bold enough to bring you the stuff that celebrities have bribed tabloids and news outlets not to tell you. Enjoy!

We have been advised by counsel that due to a preponderance of morons, we should post this disclaimer: The following information may not necessarily be based upon fact, nor is it exclusively regarding the celebrities you are familiar with.
PS – suck it Perez Hilton.

Donald Trump – is only an actor paid to pose as a celebrity business magnate. Warren Buffet, on a bet reminiscent of the movie Trading Places, has financed this long-term venture, which originally began as Buffet using Trump as an investor pseudonym. The original agreement evolved into a full time gig for “Trump,” whose real name is ironically Richard Simmons. The pair had a brief rift (largely due to demands by the actor to renegotiate his contract) in the late 80’s. The issue was resolved when “Trump” caved after Buffet spread news of Trump having financial difficulties. The now humbled “Trump” signed a low paying, long-term contract and was given permission to supplement his income with outside appearances. Why else would a serious businessman participate in a ridiculous reality TV show and play a part in professional wrestling? As further evidence of the character “Trump’s” limited means, (and Buffet’s insatiable sense of humor), consider the hair. Would a genuine multi-millionaire actually wear that squirrel pelt around?

Picture courtesy of Moono.com

SHOCKING CELEBRITY GOSSIP 2

ADNW welcomes you to part 2 of Shocking Celebrity Gossip! We're bold enough to bring you the stuff that celebrities have bribed tabloids and news outlets not to tell you. Enjoy!

We have been advised by counsel that due to a preponderance of morons, we should post this disclaimer: The following information may not necessarily be based upon fact, nor is it exclusively regarding the celebrities you are familiar with.
PS – suck it Perez Hilton.

Elvis – is not dead! And, the King is a Queen! Yes, this one is a shockingly true urban myth. His supposed death was staged by his manager, Colonel Tom Parker, after he discovered that Elvis was gay and intended to come out publicly to bolster the then fledgling gay rights movement. (Note Elvis’s penchant for Liberace style jumpsuits and that especially progressive hip shaking). The very controlling Parker recognized that this would be career suicide, at the time, and quickly had him declared dead. Elvis eventually embraced his “dead” status and got a kick out of wandering around in public and letting people spot him – thus the prominent belief by many that he is in fact alive. Since his staged death, he frequently impersonated himself by doing about a dozen shows per year, thus exercising his need to be on stage. Now in his mid-70’s, he is a shell of his former self due to about 40 years of hard partying. He has never moved from Graceland and is still active (as a self-impersonator) in the Memphis gay community.

SHOCKING CELEBRITY GOSSIP 1

ADNW is excited to introduce a new feature - Shocking Celebrity Gossip! We have the stuff celebrities have bribed tabloids and news outlets not to tell you. But from a covert source deeply imbedded in the Hollywood scene, we will share highly controversial tidbits that you will most certainly find SHOCKING!

We have been advised by counsel that due to a preponderance of morons, we should post this disclaimer: The following information may not necessarily be based upon fact, nor is it exclusively regarding the celebrities you are familiar with.
PS – suck it Perez Hilton.

Hugh Hefner –is dead! He actually died in 1983 from complications due to elective cosmetic surgery (at the time an experimental facelift, liposuction combo (now commonly referred to as "The Joan Collins")). Fortunately for the Playboy franchise, they had thousands of video hours and thousands of pictures of him on file. For the first couple of years they were able to keep a lid on his passing, even from those closest to him. Incidentally, this is also why he has never grown out of those ridiculous silk pajama robes. And the public at large is still unaware because of advancements in digital imaging, and editing (note that they even have successfully aged him – cutting edge stuff, most of the technology has made it into movies such as The Terminator, The Matrix, etc). Over the years, his secret death has evolved into a well-kept and celebrated Hollywood secret. In the 80’s and 90’s, a veritable who’s who of A-list celebrities took turns as stand in Hef’s at the frequent and famous Playboy mansion parties. During the parties, these famous folks have had their picture taken Hef style with the various playmates and celebrities and then had their faces Photoshopped out and Hefs face added in. Famous Hef stand-ins have included – Frank Sinatra, George Burns, Dean Martin, Tom Cruise, Rodney Dangerfield, MC Hammer, Chris Rock and so on and so on. Unfortunately, the downturn in print media has led to hard times for the Playboy franchise. They have actually resorted to allowing low caliber celebrities to play Hef, like Carrot Top. At one particular Halloween party low point, they even let Joan Rivers play the role, which the playmates called “just plain creepy, because she was all hands.”

Image - thanks to Photobucket danny613.