Douchebag 101 - Lesson 3

At ADNW, we believe the World is full of aspiring douchebags. Whether due to a foul mood, illness, habit, or simply for sport, everyone engages in a little douchebaggery now and again. [Douchebaggery (n) – the deliberate or unintentional act of behaving like a douchebag.] Most of us will apologize or at least feel badly about ill behavior in retrospect. But for those of you douchebags aspiring to go pro, ADNW has some lessons to help you on your journey. Best of luck – Douchebag!

11 - Just toss your trash anywhere – people will pick up after you, or God will make it go away (in 10,000 years or so).

12 - Do not say “thank you!” This is a sign of weakness in douchebag culture and one of the lowest forms of emasculation.

13 - Smoke in an entryway. Not only do you provide an unavoidable wall of smoke for those entering and exiting, but given the appropriate conditions, you can also create an odious cloud of stench inside the building.

14 - Wear sunglasses indoors and/or at night (see Fashion Illiterate post).

15 - Yell at someone publicly. Do NOT waste your righteous fury in private.

Good fences make good neighbors? Perhaps a moat and a wall?

FUN WITH THE FASHION ILLITERATE 9

CELL PHONES

Cell phones have been a fashion game changer. One of the silliest trends has been the phone holster. Although these have evolved to something slightly less ridiculous, the humor won’t die. When I see some dude sporting a holster, it never fails to conjure imagery of this douchebag thinking he’s an Old West gunslinger. Or perhaps Boy Wonder is working on a starter Batman utility belt. Obviously there is some utility there, but most people manage to make a pocket work just fine. I tend to think the holster is primarily intended to show off the goods. And by “goods,” I mean draw the eye away from his small penis.

The Bluetooth earpiece is the next generation holster. Its best feature is the way it has leveled the playing field for schizophrenics everywhere. Please tell me - when did people stop feeling silly about walking through a store talking out loud to an invisible person? Nothing says, “Look at me with apprehension” like hearing half a conversation. Of course, because we’re all attention whores, the douchebag really just wants you to give him a look (even if only out of concern). “Looky, Looky at my pretty, pretty expensive toy!” If you want to impress me with your disposable income, how about you just staple $500 to your forehead. I’ll respect your candor and not feel compelled to smack it off your head.

Pictures courtesy – mobilewhack.com; evankessler.wordpress.com

Orpheus Top 100 Songs of the Decade 2000-2009

After months of listening and sifting through the music library, the 1st annual top 100 songs of the decade is now complete. For you fans of “The Naughties”, it was a decade to remember and for others one to forget, but there’s one thing keeps good old Orpheus smiling and that’s the music.

1	Stills	It Takes Time	Without Feathers	2006
2	Dears	Ballad Of Humankindness	Gang Of Losers	2006
3	Bravery	Time Won’t Let Me Go	The Sun And the Moon	2007
4	Spoon	The Underdog	Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga	2007
5	Wolfmother	Love Train	Wolfmother	2005
6	Damned	Song.com	Grave Disorder	2001
7	Shout Out Louds	The Comeback	Howl Howl Gaff Gaff	2005
8	Broken West	Baby On My Arm	I Can’t Go On, I'll Go On	2007
9	Green Day	Jesus Of Suburbia	American Idiot	2004
10	Weezer	Island In the Sun	Weezer (The Green Album)	2001
11	Marty Casey & Lovehammers	The Riddle	Marty Casey & Lovehammers	2006
12	Supergrass	Seen The Light	Life On Other Planets	2002
13	Stereophonics	Getaway	You Got To Go There To Come Back	2003
14	Dresden Dolls	Backstabber	Yes Virginia	2006
15	Sounds	Painted By Numbers	Dying To Say This To You	2006
16	Vines	Factory	Highly Evolved	2002
17	Kings Of Leon	Sex On Fire	Only By the Night	2008
18	Rock Kills Kid	Hope Song	Are You Nervous?	2006
19	Unwritten Law	How You Feel	Elva	2002
20	Okkervil River	Unless It's Kicks	The Stage Names	2007
21	British Sea Power	Please Stand Up	Open Season	2005
22	Golden Smog	You Make It Easy	Another Fine Day	2006
23	Hot Hot Heat	Middle of Nowhere	Elevator	2005
24	Motion City Soundtrack	Everything is Alright	Commit This To Memory	2005
25	Secret Machines	Nowhere Again	Now Here is Nowhere	2004
26	Strokes	Under Control	Room On Fire	2003
27	Lit	Next Time Around	Atomic	2001
28	Offspring	Spare Me The Details	Splinter	2003
29	311	Amber	From Chaos	2001
30	Goldfinger	Stalker	Disconnection Notice	2005
31	Kaiser Chiefs	Ruby	Yours Truly, Angry Mob	2007
32	Cribs	Mirror Kissers	The New Fellas	2005
33	Finger Eleven	Paralyzer	Them vs. You vs. Me	2007
34	New Pornographers	Use It	Twin Cinema	2005
35	Grizzly Bear	Two Weeks	Veckatimest	2009
36	Audioslave	Be Yourself	Out Of Exile	2005
37	Darkness	Growing On Me	Permission To Land	2003
38	Tantric	Astounded	Tantric	2001
39	Black Rebel Motorcycle Club	Whatever Happened To My Rock and Roll	B.R.M.C.	2001
40	Death Cab For Cutie	I Will Follow You Into The Dark	Plans	2005
41	Redwalls	Thank You	De Nova	2005
42	Kooks	Ooh La	Inside In/Inside Out	2006
43	Elefant	Misfit	Sunlight Makes Me Paranoid	2003
44	Franz Ferdinand	Take Me Out	Franz Ferdinand	2004
45	Phantom Planet	1st Things 1st	Phantom Planet	2004
46	We Are Scientists	Can't Loose	With Love and Squalor	2006
47	Rancid	Start Now	Indestructible	2003
48	New Found Glory	Doubt Full	Catalyst	2004
49	We Are The Fury	Still Don't Know Your Name	Venus	2007
50	Fratellis	Everybody Knows You Cried Last Night	Costello Music	2006
51	Walkman	We've Been Had	Everyone Who Pretended To Like Me Is Gone	2002
52	South	Loosen Your Hold	With the Tides	2003
53	Bishop Allen	Middle Management	The Broken String	2007
54	Rooney	I'm Shakin'	Rooney	2003
55	Colour	Save Yourself	Between The Heart & Sky	2007
56	As Fast As	This Time	Open Letter To The Damned	2006
57	Our Lady Peace	Angels/Losing/Sleep	Healthy In Paranoid Times	2005
58	Remy Zero	Glorious #1	The Golden Hum	2001
59	Thermals	A Pillar Of Salt	The Body, The Blood, The Machine	2006
60	My Chemical Romance	Teenagers	The Black Parade	2006
61	Heartless Bastards	All This Time	All This Time	2006
62	Seether	Rise Above This	Finding Beauty In Negative Spaces	2007
63	Jet	Are You Gonna Be My Girl?	Get Born	2003
64	Apples In Stereo	Energy	New Magnetic Wonder	2007
65	Silversun Pickups	Lazy Eye	Carnavas	2006
66	White Rabbit	Kid On My Shoulders	Fort Nightly	2007
67	I'm From Barcelona	We're From Barcelona	Let Me Introduce My Friends	2006
68	Rogue Wave	Publish My Love	Descended Like Vultures	2005
69	Jason Mraz	I'm Yours	We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things.	2008
70	John Legend	Save Room	Once Again	2006
71	John Mayer	No Such Thing	Room for Squares	2001
72	Hayes Carll	I Don’t Want To Grow Up	Trouble In Mind	2008
73	Plain White T's	Hey There Delilah	All That We Needed	2005
74	Keane	Somewhere We Only Know	Hopes And Fears	2004
75	Margot & The Nuclear So and So's	As Tall As Cliffs	Not Animal	2008
76	Coldplay	In My Place	A Rush of Blood To The Head	2002
77	Doves	Words	The Last Broadcast	2002
78	Shins	Kissing The Lipless	Chutes Too Narrow	2003
79	Peter Bjorn & john	Young Folks	Writer's Block	2006
80	Queens Of the Stone Age	No One Knows	Songs For The Def	2002
81	Stars	Take Me To The Riot	In Our Bedroom After The War	2007
82	Killers	Somebody Told Me	Hot Fuss	2004
83	Ok Go	Here It Goes Again	Oh No	2005
84	Sum 41	Fat Lip	All Killer No Filler	2001
85	Gratitude	Feel Alright	Gratitude	2005
86	Wilco	You Never Know	Wilco	2009
87	Boston	I Had A Good Time	Corporate America	2002
88	Night Ranger	Whatever Happened	Hole In the Sun	2007
89	Asia	An Extraordinary Life	Phoenix	2008
90	Paul McCartney	Freedom	Driving Rain	2001
91	3 Doors Down	It's Not My Time	3 Doors Down	2008
92	Hoobastank	Crawling In The Dark	Hoobastank	2002
93	Nickelback	Woke Up This Morning	Silverside up	2001
94	Hives	A Little More For Little You	Tyrannosaurus Hives	2004
95	Creed	Don't Stop Dancing	Weathered	2001
96	Shinedown	Second Chance	The Sound Of Madness	2008
97	Incubus	Drive	Make Yourself	2000
98	Maroon 5	Sunday Morning	Songs About Jane	2004
99	Kid Rock	All Summer Long	Rock And Roll Jesus	2008
100	Foo Fighters	Next Year	There's Nothing Left To Lose	2000